For Matthew...

Matt - It's in Alameda, find the address so we can go visit and maybe park in the driveway for a pic of our own ! ! ! !

Sheelah (AKA Patches)

Thanks everybody.
The mutt is doing well.
The vet gave her special food that is easy to digest and meds to coat her insides, reduce the acid production and an antacid to protect any ulcerations caused by the bones.

Throughout the ordeal she has been her normal happy self which is a very good sign.

According to the vet he felt no masses in her abdomen (a good thing) and her temp failed to indicate a fever (a very good thing).

Since she is happy and active he is pretty sure that the damage is minor and the meds and dietary change along with constant monitoring (something I do anyway since I work from home most of the time anyway) should see her through.

Sheelah's overwhelming attitude, as always, has been...


Throw the ball already ! ! ! ! ! !

NO BONES OF ANY KIND EVER ! ! !

This is a public service announcement.

Never give your dog bones of any kind. Ever.

I thought that if I gave Sheelah uncooked beef bones that she couldn't break them and would have cleaner teeth.

Nope. She ended up with beef bone splinters in her gullet.

We noticed it when she started vomiting and crapping blood - - Scary to say the least.

The Vet said NO BONES ASSHOLE ! ! ! He was more diplomatic than that but only just.

So, if you have bones for your dog toss em in the garbage.

Save her life and save yourself the $150.00 bill for being called an asshole.

I am a softy when it comes to the kids and dog so I end up giving them all treats all the time.

I could have killed my dog.

My Dog.

I'm still shaken.

My Dog.

Who would win in a fight?




William Shatner or John Madden?

Posting...

I've been pretty busy with work and my idiot sister in law so I haven't been blogging.

I posted a bunch of stuff to make up for it.

I promise I'll tell you all about breakfast with my lovely sister.

You'll love it...

For Michelle...


Evolution...


Why men don't write advice columns...


Unicorn poop...


For Michelle...

You look marvelous...and a redhead too...

For the single folks...and the married folks...and...


Marry her...


New and improved...


Snowballs chance...


If only it were that easy...

I'd be hung like a hydrant ! ! ! !

Dream house...


Jeepers, it CAN fly...

Looks like my ex's mother...

For Melissa...


Me too...


Knew that was gonna happen ! ! ! !


Yes I do...


Sad but true...


For Melissa...


The real reason it sank...


For the Wirecutter...

Racist, but funny.

Fuck em if they can't take a joke...

Great shirt


Sure, he's cute now...

But in a few weeks he's gonna be unstoppable and kicking your ASS ! ! !
Badgers--mother nature's crazy evil superhero of pain.
(yeah he could eat anyone he wants)

Plan B RULEZ ! ! ! ! !


IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT ! ! ! ! ! !

B-52 breaking the fukin sound barrier ! ! ! !

OMG dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria ! ! !

Adam and Eve Muslim style

Another from Auntie Mary in Warshingtin

None of that Sissy Crap
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,

But never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-

Just the stone cold truth of our friendship.


1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.



3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.



4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.



5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!



6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.



7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.



8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off--

After I laugh my ass off!!



9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!


Friendship is like peeing your pants,

Everyone can see it,

But only you can feel the true warmth.

That'll teach the S.O.B.



from bits and pieces

For Michelle...


Damn...

From T-Shirt Hell

I'm done. I'm finished. I can't take the stupidity anymore, so I'm leaving and I'm taking my website with me. As of Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009, T-Shirt Hell will be no more.
No, I'm not selling out to some douchebag corporate entity. No, we're not being sued by any of the over 40 companies that have sent us cease and desists over the years. No, I'm not going to jail (yet) and no, it's not because of the economy. Although, the recent dip in sales certainly does make the idea easier to accept, even though we still sell over 3000 shirts a week.
I started this company in June of 2001, nearly 8 years ago, with the intention of producing the best satirical, the most controversial, the funniest t-shirts on the internet. Generally speaking, I feel I've accomplished that and am satisfied with what we've put out. I made a shitload of dough along the way. I've done cocaine off the better body parts of supermodels. I've even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi. But these perks are besides the point.
I just don't feel like dealing with idiots anymore. I'll give you an example of the kind of misguided morons we deal with on a regular basis at T-Shirt Hell. We released a new shirt a couple weeks ago that says "It's not gay if you beat them up afterwards". I will not explain the irony or the social commentary of the slogan because anyone with half a brain should be able to handle that on their own. Problem is, we've been besieged with emails from angry people complaining about the "fact" that the shirt is hate speech or that we're promoting gay bashing and should take it down immediately.
Comments like:
"I can't even believe people buy this shit. Do you realize your supporting a hate crime? That makes you feel better about yourself? Wow you need a life. We're all human beings and you can't except it."
and
"It's Not Gay:If You Beat Them Up After"?? That is highly inappropriate and very very morally wrong. I will be advising everyone I know to avoid buying anything from your site until shirts like this are removed. In this world people are fighting for equality and a chance to be themselves without fear of being beat up because of who they are, yet here is an established website promoting hate and violence. You all should be ashamed of yourselves."
Now, I can't say I'm surprised we're getting hate mail from people who have nothing better to do than to start half-assed campaigns because of their lazy, just enough passion for an email, ideals towards a misguided cause. It happened when we did our first really controversial shirt, "The School Shootings Tour", it happened when we did our "What About All The Good Things Hitler Did" shirt, it happened when we did our "Arrest Black Babies Before They Become Criminals" shirt (boy did it happen then). It used to happen all the time when we did more social commentary and didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought and did shirts that did not leave anyone out. Unfortunately, as a concern for the safety of my employees, we don't push the envelope as much anymore...and I can't say I feel good about having caved in.
Anyway, rather than cater to the masses, I'm just going to stop making shirts. It's not enjoyable anymore and I have enough money to move on to something more rewarding. Maybe I'll start my own hooker farm or maybe I'll practice sleeping. Whatever I decide to do, it will be better than this.
Attention any venture capitalists or independent investors/business assholes who are about to inquire about purchasing T-Shirt Hell. Don't. You won't do the company justice and I won't take that chance. I'm putting it to sleep. It's over.
That's right, I'm crazy. I'm pulling the plug on a company I could have sold for millions. Why in the fucking world would I do something so stupid? Because I can. I don't care about money. This is the way I've always done things...my way.
So, to all the kickass motherfuckers who supported us and REALLY got what we were trying to do, thank you (no, not you, you racist idiots who thought we actually had racist intentions and no, not you, you dumb as a stump fucks who just think any shirt with the word "fuck" on it is as right as rain). Thanks to all the people who contributed to my vice fund and at the same time helped make a funny statement about the world today.
As a final farewell, I'm going to bring back some of the top selling Worse Than Hell shirts as a fuck you to those who forced me to remove them. To those who are offended by them and to those who think I'm racist, promoting rape, a nazi, homophobic or just the world's biggest asshole...well, at least you think I'm something, which means I've achieved what I wanted.
Thanks to Gary, Mika, Jacob, Greg, Bob, the black lady who writes our newsletter, and to everyone else who was part of T-Shirt Hell. Time to move on to even greater things. I'll miss you (by miss, I mean, it's going to suck not being able to give you my excellent reach arounds when you least expect them).

Fuck you,-Sunshine Megatron

What did YOU do today?!?!?

My buddy Brad is in the Navy and serving on the USS Rodney M. Davis and they seem to be having great luck hunting down drug smugglers. So far they have captured the largest load of liquid cocaine in history (in a previous post somewhere on throw the ball...) This time they chased down a druggy submarine and captured the rat bastards trying to bring dope in to the country.

What did you do today?


U.S. Navy and Coast Guard personnel approach a sinking drug sub about 200 miles off the coast of Ecuador

The crew is rescued as the sub -- and its alleged drug cargo -- sink in the eastern Pacific Ocean.





(CNN) -- A Navy helicopter whipped the waves as the U.S. Coast Guard closed in on the suspected drug traffickers abandoning their homemade submarine off the coast of Ecuador.
The men didn't go down with the ship, but any evidence did.
When authorities confront "drug subs" on the high seas, drug busts turn into rescue operations, the Coast Guard says.
In the past, no evidence meant no case. But a new law aims to change that.
The Drug Trafficking Vessel Interdiction Act of 2008 was signed into law in September. The statute makes it a felony, punishable by up to 20 years in prison, to travel through international waters in the vessels, technically known as self-propelled semisubmersibles.
Drug subs come in several forms and are built of fiberglass, wood and steel in the swamps along the west coast of Colombia, under the cover of heavy foliage, Coast Guard officials say.
Despite costing upwards of $2 million, the vessels are generally abandoned at sea after delivering their cargo, according to the Coast Guard. But with cargo values estimated to range from $200 million to $400 million, the investment pays big dividends.
They are hard to see, rising less than 2 feet (little more than a half-meter) above the waterline, and can be 80 feet (24 meters) long, large enough to move 10 to 15 tons (about 9,000 to 14,000 kilograms) of cocaine at a time. Federal officials estimate drug subs now transport about one-third of all cocaine that moves by sea from South America to the United States.
Detecting the vessels is nearly impossible for law enforcement even with advancements in sonar, radar and infrared technology. Catching them involves a combination of good intelligence and luck, and often relies on the use of helicopters.
Once caught, suspected smugglers often "scuttle," or sink, the subs, sending both vessel and cocaine to the bottom of the sea.
Though maritime law requires drug-trafficking crews in distress to be rescued, the crews are usually released without prosecution, because of a lack of physical evidence.
But under the new law, no physical evidence is necessary. Just being on board a drug sub is proof enough.
A dozen suspected cocaine smugglers taken into custody between December 31 and January 8 could be among the first prosecuted under the new law. The cases are expected to develop over the next several weeks, according to a spokesman for the U.S. attorney's office. Besides a stiff prison sentence, suspects could be fined up to $1 million if convicted.
The suspects were taken in three separate drug sub incidents in which alleged traffickers sank the vessels and cargo. The first came December 31, some 200 miles (322 kilometers) off the coast of Ecuador. Another vessel was stopped January 7 about 550 miles off the coast of Ecuador. The most recent arrests were made January 8, about 150 miles offshore from the Ecuador-Colombia border."As we go through the first prosecutions associated with this, we are actually kind of paving new ground here on how it is we have to prepare cases," said Adm. Thad Allen, commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard.
"I think you can see where the planned operation of one of these vehicles on the high seas as a crime in and of itself significantly, significantly simplifies the prosecution for us," he said.
The new law, while untested, appears likely to pass constitutional muster.
"This is a unique statue probably born out of the frustration of federal officials trying to prove criminal activity on part of the drug traffickers," said Robert Silbering, former special narcotics prosecutor for New York.
"This just throws another obstacle in the way of traffickers."
"The idea here is we don't have to catch you with the drugs; if we catch you with the vessel, we are going to prosecute you for that," said David A. Moran, a professor at the University of Michigan Law School.
But as the law evolves, so do the traffickers' tactics, Allen said.
"The latest adaptation," he noted, "is the introduction of liquid cocaine and smaller loads on faster boats hugging the coastline and trying to avoid us by staying in the territorial sea of another nation."

This one is from Jim in Oregon ! ! ! !

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job.
I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.
In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ass, doing drugs, while I work.
Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
I guess we could title that program, 'Urine or You're Out.'


Thanks Jim - when we goin' fishing?

I could watch this all day ! ! !

Um, Wow.

Final exam…

Legend has it that a certain college philosophy professor asked one question on his final exam.
He picked up a chair, put it on his desk and wrote on the board, “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
The students dug deep and wrote like crazy for the whole exam period, some of them churning out thirty pages of heady philosophical debate and logic.
But only one student earned an A and he wrote for only a few seconds.
His paper read in full, “What chair?”


from Bits & Pieces by Jonco

Some guys got it and some guys don't...



From Jonco

For Drewby...

A woman goes into Cabela’s

A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Cabela’s associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all around combination; and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!”

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is
no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?
How did you get $34.50?”

He replies,” Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”

…from Bits & Pieces by Jonco

Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?

Via my confined space

Thanks Dubya ! ! !


WASHINGTON – The recession is killing jobs at an alarming pace, with tens of thousands of new layoffs announced Monday by some of the biggest names in American business — Pfizer, Caterpillar and Home Depot.
More pink slips, pay freezes and other hits are expected to slam workers in the months ahead as companies desperately look for ways to survive.
"We're just seeing the tip of the iceberg — the big firms," said Rebecca Braeu, economist at John Hancock Financial Services. "There's certainly other firms beneath them that will lay off workers as quickly or even quicker."
Looking ahead, economists predicted a net loss of at least 2 million jobs — possibly more — this year even if President Barack Obama's $825 billion package of increased government spending and tax cuts is enacted. Last year, the economy lost a net 2.6 million jobs, the most since 1945, though the labor force has grown significantly since then.
The unemployment rate, now at a 16-year high of 7.2 percent, could hit 10 percent or higher later this year or early next year, under some analysts' projections.
Stole the pic from Wirecutter and story from Yahoo

For Chanel...

Marry her...

Thanks Wirecutter

Dog Pillow



The other night I couldn't get to sleep. The problem was that I was sharing the bed with a wife, two cats, and a dog. The only position left for me would have looked like the chalk outline at a murder scene. I decided that one of the mammals needed to be moved. I was groggy from sleep deprivation, but even in that debilitated state I knew the wrong answers were (in this orders): wife, cat 1, cat 2. A good night of sleep isn't worth a bite wound.I figured moving the dog was my best chance of not regretting this plan. She's a 12-pound toy Australian Shepherd and always in a good mood. When she's sleepy you can mold her into any position you like, Gumby-style. My idea was to bring her up toward my chest, with her back to my stomach, spoon position. Then I could turn sideways, insert my special small knee pillow between my legs and be good to go.It was totally dark so I was operating by touch. I reached down and pulled little Snickers up to my chest, adjusted my blankets and pillows, and started settling in for a luxurious snooze. I love it when a plan comes together like that.Few things are more soothing than sleeping with a warm puppy. I decided to use the dog as sort of a little pillow for my snout. It felt wonderful to snuggle my nose in between her ear and her neck area. She was totally unconscious so she took any position I assigned. It was great, but perhaps one more adjustment would make it perfect. I decided to put one arm around her and slip my hand under her head, just to get extra comfy. But there was just one problem.HER HEAD WAS MISSING! I was panicked, feeling around in the dark for where she must have contorted her head to make it so far from where I knew it had to be. I slipped my hand under my pillow and felt around, nothing. I checked to see if I was accidentally lying on her head: negative. Her head just wasn't there. In my half-asleep state, I worried that a horrible accident had happened during the night, possibly involving a circular saw. I realize that sounds unlikely to you, but keep in mind that my own snoring doesn't wake me, and I did have a headless dog.I'm sure many of you readers are ahead of me on this story. Eventually I realized her head was on the other side of her body, exactly where it belonged. I had been snuggling my face into my dog's ass.So that's how my 2009 started. I'm really hoping it isn't some sort of omen.

from Dilbert.com Blog

Not Bush street anymore...


Obama St. in San Francisco


At the corner of Bush and Kearny Streets in San Francisco. They even got the font right. Heh.


Sad but true...


Tips...


Stolen from Wirecutter? I think.

Um, Wow.


Unconstitutional...


Know your enemy...

Another theft...

Damn...


Awwwwww....