via
Double Shot Liquor & Guns
In Schulenburg Texas.
From their website:
Double Shot Liquor & Guns is a unique woman owned business. Locally owned and operated. We opened our doors on April 1, 2008. We carry a large selection of liquor, wines, cigars, import/specialty beer as well as domestics.On the flip side of the liquor business is the incorporation of guns, hunting and fishing gear, ammunition, hunting accessories, deer stands, deer feeders, optics, gun cases, firearm safes and much more. You name it, we will find it for you. We do custom orders and we ship nationwide. Our policy is to try to meet or beat big city prices of which we have accomplished more times than not.
Next time I'm down that way I'll have to stop in and check this place out.
I wonder... In the Liberal mind, does the fact that this is a woman owned business offset the fact that she is selling ammo and tequila from a drive thru?
from A Keyboard and a .45 by JR
The Influence Hierarchy
Countertop was kind enough to give us a rank ordered list of types of people important to politicians:
Based on my considerable experience in this area, here’s how - generally speaking - a candidate will prioritize the interests of stakeholders - all in the name of winning elections and diminishing the effort they need to undertake to win.
1 Ability to organize and deliver large numbers of constituents
2 Ability to organize large numbers of campaign volunteers
3 Ability to raise money from large numbers of donors
4 Constituent who donated money and worked on campaign
5 Constituent who donated money
6 Constituent who worked on campaign
7 Non-constituent who worked on campaign
8 Non-constituent who donated money
9 Constituent who is known to member and is a member of same party
10 Constituent who is member of same party
11 Constituent who actually votes (and voted for member)
12 Constituent who actually votes
13 Constituent
As you can see, a little effort and organization on our side can have a huge impact on Gillibrand.
If even 1/10th of the gun owners in New York donated 25 dollars, and called to tell her to vote against a new gun control law, she’d be hard pressed not to listen. That would be serious money she’d be putting at risk by going against you, and her natural inclination as a politician seems to be pro-gun.
There are limits to this, of course, you’re not going to turn Chuck Schumer pro-gun no matter how much you donate, because he’s a true believer, and he can make up that money elsewhere. But Kirsten Gillibrand has a record, and it’s good. Those pooh poohing her because she’s not good enough, or because she frames gun rights in the language of hunting are forgetting that a) this is New York we’re talking about, and she has to win a Dem primary in two years and b) it’s sometimes necessary to take a gamble on someone new and promising in order to build influence early. If you support her, either through donations, organizing or volunteering, and she screws you over, you can always withdraw that support, and make sure she knows why. This is a prime opportunity for gun owners, but will enough capitalize on it in a smart way?
from Snowflakes in Hell by Sebastian
Based on my considerable experience in this area, here’s how - generally speaking - a candidate will prioritize the interests of stakeholders - all in the name of winning elections and diminishing the effort they need to undertake to win.
1 Ability to organize and deliver large numbers of constituents
2 Ability to organize large numbers of campaign volunteers
3 Ability to raise money from large numbers of donors
4 Constituent who donated money and worked on campaign
5 Constituent who donated money
6 Constituent who worked on campaign
7 Non-constituent who worked on campaign
8 Non-constituent who donated money
9 Constituent who is known to member and is a member of same party
10 Constituent who is member of same party
11 Constituent who actually votes (and voted for member)
12 Constituent who actually votes
13 Constituent
As you can see, a little effort and organization on our side can have a huge impact on Gillibrand.
If even 1/10th of the gun owners in New York donated 25 dollars, and called to tell her to vote against a new gun control law, she’d be hard pressed not to listen. That would be serious money she’d be putting at risk by going against you, and her natural inclination as a politician seems to be pro-gun.
There are limits to this, of course, you’re not going to turn Chuck Schumer pro-gun no matter how much you donate, because he’s a true believer, and he can make up that money elsewhere. But Kirsten Gillibrand has a record, and it’s good. Those pooh poohing her because she’s not good enough, or because she frames gun rights in the language of hunting are forgetting that a) this is New York we’re talking about, and she has to win a Dem primary in two years and b) it’s sometimes necessary to take a gamble on someone new and promising in order to build influence early. If you support her, either through donations, organizing or volunteering, and she screws you over, you can always withdraw that support, and make sure she knows why. This is a prime opportunity for gun owners, but will enough capitalize on it in a smart way?
from Snowflakes in Hell by Sebastian
Sign us up ! ! !
Me and Tattoo Jim and Wirecutter will make a formidable force...
Luxury yachts offer pirate hunting cruises
Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.Wealthy punters pay £3,500 per day to patrol the most dangerous waters in the world hoping to be attacked by raiders.When attacked, they retaliate with grenade launchers, machine guns and rocket launchers.Passengers, who can pay an extra £5 a day for an AK-47 machine gun and £7 for 100 rounds of ammo, are also protected by a squad of ex special forces troops.The yachts travel from Djibouti in Somalia to Mombasa in Kenya. The ships deliberately cruise close to the coast at a speed of just five nautical miles in an attempt to attract the interest of pirates.
Luxury yachts offer pirate hunting cruises
Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.Wealthy punters pay £3,500 per day to patrol the most dangerous waters in the world hoping to be attacked by raiders.When attacked, they retaliate with grenade launchers, machine guns and rocket launchers.Passengers, who can pay an extra £5 a day for an AK-47 machine gun and £7 for 100 rounds of ammo, are also protected by a squad of ex special forces troops.The yachts travel from Djibouti in Somalia to Mombasa in Kenya. The ships deliberately cruise close to the coast at a speed of just five nautical miles in an attempt to attract the interest of pirates.
A new project for Tim and Rich ! ! !
Tim has an Opel and Rich has a Jeep maybe they can collaborate and create something like this.This one of a kind vehicle was built from a 1969 Opel GT, a 1985 CJ7 Jeep frame and a 1978 CJ5 Jeep drive train. The engine is a new crate engine, a 258 cubic inch straight 6 cylinder with 200 miles clocked since building the vehicle. Transmission and transfer case is original 78 CJ5 (3 speed).
List of new parts: 258 cubic inch straight 6 cylinder, oil pump, electric fan speed control, all new gaskets, distributor, cap, rotor, plugs, wires starter, clutch and pressure plate, U-joints, steering box, poer steering lines, carburator rebuild kit, 3in suspension lift kit(springs, shackles, shocks, U-bolts), brake shoes and pads, calipers(front), wheel cylinders and drums(rear), stainless steel braided caliper brake hoses, stainless steel brake lines with protective spring steel, master cylinder, vaccum booster, 35 inch tires, chrome wheels and lugs, windshield and rear window rubber, door and door window rubber, wiper blades, racing style seats, carpet, dash mat, bumpers(welded 3 inch schedule 40 pipe), 2 sets fog lights, red underglo kit, 11 inch high rear spoiler.
For Brad ! !
A Brett Favre t-shirt Green Bay residents will be eager to buy if he signs with the Vikings.
Hey Iran...
It's YOUR country. YOUR election. YOUR future.
There are only a small number of people oppressing you.
There are a large number of you being oppressed.
Your election was a sham so obviously the normal routes for change are out the window.
Revolt.
The future you want is within your grasp.
Reach out and take it ! ! !
There are only a small number of people oppressing you.
There are a large number of you being oppressed.
Your election was a sham so obviously the normal routes for change are out the window.
Revolt.
The future you want is within your grasp.
Reach out and take it ! ! !
Get a kleenex . No, get a box of kleenex...
Colby Curtin, a 10-year-old with a rare form of cancer, was staying alive for one thing – a movie.
From the minute Colby saw the previews to the Disney-Pixar movie Up, she was desperate to see it. Colby had been diagnosed with vascular cancer about three years ago, said her mother, Lisa Curtin, and at the beginning of this month it became apparent that she would die soon and was too ill to be moved to a theater to see the film.
After a family friend made frantic calls to Pixar to help grant Colby her dying wish, Pixar came to the rescue.
The company flew an employee with a DVD of Up, which is only in theaters, to the Curtins’ Huntington Beach home on June 10 for a private viewing of the movie.
The animated movie begins with scenes showing the evolution of a relationship between a husband and wife. After losing his wife in old age, the now grumpy man deals with his loss by attaching thousands of balloons to his house, flying into the sky, and going on an adventure with a little boy.
Colby died about seven hours after seeing the film.
With her daughter’s vigil planned for Friday, Lisa Curtin reflected about how grateful she is that Pixar – and "Up" – were a part of her only child’s last day.
“When I watched it, I had really no idea about the content of the theme of the movie,” said Curtin, 46. “I just know that word ‘Up’ and all of the balloons and I swear to you, for me it meant that (Colby) was going to go up. Up to heaven.”
Pixar officials declined to comment on the story or name the employees involved.
Colby was diagnosed with vascular cancer on Dec. 23, 2005 after doctors found a tumor in her liver. At the time of her death, her stomach was about 94 inches around, swollen with fluids the cancer wouldn’t let her body properly digest. The rest of her body probably weighed about 45 pounds, family friend Carole Lynch said.
Colby had gone to Newport Elementary School and was known for making others laugh, family friend Terrell Orum-Moore said. Colby loved to dance, sing, swim and seemed to have a more mature understanding of the world than other children her age, Orum-Moore said.
On April 28, Colby went to see the Dream Works 3-D movie "Monsters Vs. Aliens" but was impressed by the previews to "Up."
“It was from then on, she said, ‘I have to see that movie. It is so cool,’” Lynch said.
Colby was a movie fan, Lisa Curtin said, and she latched onto Pixar’s movies because she loved animals.
Two days later Colby’s health began to worsen. On June 4 her mother asked a hospice company to bring a wheelchair for Colby so she could visit a theater to see "Up." However, the weekend went by and the wheelchair was not delivered, Lisa Curtin said.
By June 9, Colby could no longer be transported to a theater and her family feared she would die without having seen the movie.
At that point, Orum-Moore, who desperately wanted Colby to get her last wish, began to cold-call Pixar and Disney to see if someone could help.
Pixar has an automated telephone answering system, Orum-Moore said, and unless she had a name of a specific person she wanted to speak to, she could not get through. Orum-Moore guessed a name and the computer system transferred her to someone who could help, she said.
Pixar officials listened to Colby’s story and agreed to send someone to Colby’s house the next day with a DVD of "Up," Orum-Moore recalled.
She immediately called Lisa Curtin, who told Colby.
“Do you think you can hang on?” Colby’s mother said.
“I’m ready (to die), but I’m going to wait for the movie,” the girl replied.
At about 12:30 p.m. the Pixar employee came to the Curtins’ home with the DVD.
He had a bag of stuffed animals of characters in the movie and a movie poster. He shared some quirky background details of the movie and the group settled in to watch Up.
Colby couldn't see the screen because the pain kept her eyes closed so her mother gave her a play-by-play of the film.
At the end of the film, the mother asked if her daughter enjoyed the movie and Colby nodded yes, Lisa Curtin said.
The employee left after the movie, taking the DVD with him, Lynch said.
“He couldn’t have been nicer,” said Lynch who watched the movie with the family. “His eyes were just welled up.”
After the movie, Colby’s dad, Michael Curtin, who is divorced from Lisa Curtin, came to visit.
Colby died with her mom and dad nearby at 9:20 p.m.
Among the Up memorabilia the employee gave Colby was an “adventure book” – a scrap book the main character’s wife used to chronicle her journeys.
“I’ll have to fill those adventures in for her,” Lisa Curtin said.
From the minute Colby saw the previews to the Disney-Pixar movie Up, she was desperate to see it. Colby had been diagnosed with vascular cancer about three years ago, said her mother, Lisa Curtin, and at the beginning of this month it became apparent that she would die soon and was too ill to be moved to a theater to see the film.
After a family friend made frantic calls to Pixar to help grant Colby her dying wish, Pixar came to the rescue.
The company flew an employee with a DVD of Up, which is only in theaters, to the Curtins’ Huntington Beach home on June 10 for a private viewing of the movie.
The animated movie begins with scenes showing the evolution of a relationship between a husband and wife. After losing his wife in old age, the now grumpy man deals with his loss by attaching thousands of balloons to his house, flying into the sky, and going on an adventure with a little boy.
Colby died about seven hours after seeing the film.
With her daughter’s vigil planned for Friday, Lisa Curtin reflected about how grateful she is that Pixar – and "Up" – were a part of her only child’s last day.
“When I watched it, I had really no idea about the content of the theme of the movie,” said Curtin, 46. “I just know that word ‘Up’ and all of the balloons and I swear to you, for me it meant that (Colby) was going to go up. Up to heaven.”
Pixar officials declined to comment on the story or name the employees involved.
Colby was diagnosed with vascular cancer on Dec. 23, 2005 after doctors found a tumor in her liver. At the time of her death, her stomach was about 94 inches around, swollen with fluids the cancer wouldn’t let her body properly digest. The rest of her body probably weighed about 45 pounds, family friend Carole Lynch said.
Colby had gone to Newport Elementary School and was known for making others laugh, family friend Terrell Orum-Moore said. Colby loved to dance, sing, swim and seemed to have a more mature understanding of the world than other children her age, Orum-Moore said.
On April 28, Colby went to see the Dream Works 3-D movie "Monsters Vs. Aliens" but was impressed by the previews to "Up."
“It was from then on, she said, ‘I have to see that movie. It is so cool,’” Lynch said.
Colby was a movie fan, Lisa Curtin said, and she latched onto Pixar’s movies because she loved animals.
Two days later Colby’s health began to worsen. On June 4 her mother asked a hospice company to bring a wheelchair for Colby so she could visit a theater to see "Up." However, the weekend went by and the wheelchair was not delivered, Lisa Curtin said.
By June 9, Colby could no longer be transported to a theater and her family feared she would die without having seen the movie.
At that point, Orum-Moore, who desperately wanted Colby to get her last wish, began to cold-call Pixar and Disney to see if someone could help.
Pixar has an automated telephone answering system, Orum-Moore said, and unless she had a name of a specific person she wanted to speak to, she could not get through. Orum-Moore guessed a name and the computer system transferred her to someone who could help, she said.
Pixar officials listened to Colby’s story and agreed to send someone to Colby’s house the next day with a DVD of "Up," Orum-Moore recalled.
She immediately called Lisa Curtin, who told Colby.
“Do you think you can hang on?” Colby’s mother said.
“I’m ready (to die), but I’m going to wait for the movie,” the girl replied.
At about 12:30 p.m. the Pixar employee came to the Curtins’ home with the DVD.
He had a bag of stuffed animals of characters in the movie and a movie poster. He shared some quirky background details of the movie and the group settled in to watch Up.
Colby couldn't see the screen because the pain kept her eyes closed so her mother gave her a play-by-play of the film.
At the end of the film, the mother asked if her daughter enjoyed the movie and Colby nodded yes, Lisa Curtin said.
The employee left after the movie, taking the DVD with him, Lynch said.
“He couldn’t have been nicer,” said Lynch who watched the movie with the family. “His eyes were just welled up.”
After the movie, Colby’s dad, Michael Curtin, who is divorced from Lisa Curtin, came to visit.
Colby died with her mom and dad nearby at 9:20 p.m.
Among the Up memorabilia the employee gave Colby was an “adventure book” – a scrap book the main character’s wife used to chronicle her journeys.
“I’ll have to fill those adventures in for her,” Lisa Curtin said.
I like this
Happy Negative Christmasfrom Dilbert.com Blog
I just invented a new holiday. It's called Negative Christmas. On this day, rather than giving gifts, you can force a family member or friend to discard one item that he or she already owns. The selected item might be a hideous shirt that you consider an abomination, or that pair of bedroom slippers that are an insult to all footwear. The idea is that the unrecipient should be better off without the item you ungift.
For example, let's say you have a single friend who has a collection of Star Wars memorabilia and also complains that he can't get a woman to stay the night. You could help by making him give away the full-sized wookie that he keeps next to his dresser. When the next Negative Christmas rolls around you could go after the collection of light sabers he keeps over his mantle. It might take you a few years to make any difference in his love life, but think of it as a project.
For real Christmas, people often give gifts of clothing or accessories so the recipient will look attractive. For Negative Christmas you could pay a crazy guy with tattoos to punch your friend in his soft tissue every time he eats a Big Mac or skips going to the gym. In the long run it will help your friend more than a new necktie.
During Negative Christmas there will be no need for vacuous greeting cards or festive salutations. For the entire month leading up to Negative Christmas you are expected to avoid eye contact and mumble insults about everyone you encounter. Ask yourself what would make you happier: 1. Getting a cheap greeting card or, 2. Calling someone a trout-faced bastard under your breath.
Negative Christmas would be every June 25th, on the opposite side of the calendar from Christmas. You would celebrate by planting a tree instead of killing one, and saving your money for yourself instead of blowing it on worthless crap for others.
Who's with me?
I just invented a new holiday. It's called Negative Christmas. On this day, rather than giving gifts, you can force a family member or friend to discard one item that he or she already owns. The selected item might be a hideous shirt that you consider an abomination, or that pair of bedroom slippers that are an insult to all footwear. The idea is that the unrecipient should be better off without the item you ungift.
For example, let's say you have a single friend who has a collection of Star Wars memorabilia and also complains that he can't get a woman to stay the night. You could help by making him give away the full-sized wookie that he keeps next to his dresser. When the next Negative Christmas rolls around you could go after the collection of light sabers he keeps over his mantle. It might take you a few years to make any difference in his love life, but think of it as a project.
For real Christmas, people often give gifts of clothing or accessories so the recipient will look attractive. For Negative Christmas you could pay a crazy guy with tattoos to punch your friend in his soft tissue every time he eats a Big Mac or skips going to the gym. In the long run it will help your friend more than a new necktie.
During Negative Christmas there will be no need for vacuous greeting cards or festive salutations. For the entire month leading up to Negative Christmas you are expected to avoid eye contact and mumble insults about everyone you encounter. Ask yourself what would make you happier: 1. Getting a cheap greeting card or, 2. Calling someone a trout-faced bastard under your breath.
Negative Christmas would be every June 25th, on the opposite side of the calendar from Christmas. You would celebrate by planting a tree instead of killing one, and saving your money for yourself instead of blowing it on worthless crap for others.
Who's with me?
After a party...
This is a pic of my 4 year old's bedroom after a party. The party was a screaming success but I had to clean her room with a snow shovel.New Pictures posted !!! !! !
I finally moved the pix from my phone to my PC and thought I'd share them. At the top of the right column is the slideshow. Click on it for a look. Included are various family, friends and trips (Oregon, etc.)
Hmmm...
The Google – Youtube – Conundrum
You have a video that you want to post on the web. It may be just for you. It could be for friends. It could be for family. It could be for a company or a political campaign. It could a video that you want seen by as many people as possible. Regardless of your audience expectations, do you have any expectation of paying for that video to be hosted ? Of course you don’t. Neither does anyone else.
The reality is that all of us have the expectation of being able to post any and every video on sites like Youtube for free, with no limitation on audience size or location. We have reached the point where Youtube in particular, Google specifically is subsidizing the majority of user generated content on the web. 20gbs PER MINUTE upload and who knows how much for viewing
Which leads to the question, what happens if they stopped subsidizing the cost of bandwidth for user uploaded video ?
What would happen to internet video ? What would happen to social media ? What would happen to the future of entertainment ? What would happen to the future of politics ? How would it change how we use the internet ? The list of questions is a mile long. Would it be the best thing to ever happen to traditional media ? Hence the conundrum.
The next question of course is “why would Google stop subsidizing the uploading , hosting and presentation of 80pct of the user generated online videos (excluding commercial sites) viewed in the US ?”
The answer of course is : Because they had to.
There are two certainties for the technology business in the US. The first is that every leader falls out of the lead at some point. The 2nd is that every leader falling out of the lead gets torched by Wall Street and places a premium on stock price over free services and their users.
Google has already established itself as a hall of famer. But nothing lasts forever in techland. Particularly subsidies. What happens to the internet and how we use it when those subsidies end is a country song that will eventually be written.
from blog maverick by markcuban
You have a video that you want to post on the web. It may be just for you. It could be for friends. It could be for family. It could be for a company or a political campaign. It could a video that you want seen by as many people as possible. Regardless of your audience expectations, do you have any expectation of paying for that video to be hosted ? Of course you don’t. Neither does anyone else.
The reality is that all of us have the expectation of being able to post any and every video on sites like Youtube for free, with no limitation on audience size or location. We have reached the point where Youtube in particular, Google specifically is subsidizing the majority of user generated content on the web. 20gbs PER MINUTE upload and who knows how much for viewing
Which leads to the question, what happens if they stopped subsidizing the cost of bandwidth for user uploaded video ?
What would happen to internet video ? What would happen to social media ? What would happen to the future of entertainment ? What would happen to the future of politics ? How would it change how we use the internet ? The list of questions is a mile long. Would it be the best thing to ever happen to traditional media ? Hence the conundrum.
The next question of course is “why would Google stop subsidizing the uploading , hosting and presentation of 80pct of the user generated online videos (excluding commercial sites) viewed in the US ?”
The answer of course is : Because they had to.
There are two certainties for the technology business in the US. The first is that every leader falls out of the lead at some point. The 2nd is that every leader falling out of the lead gets torched by Wall Street and places a premium on stock price over free services and their users.
Google has already established itself as a hall of famer. But nothing lasts forever in techland. Particularly subsidies. What happens to the internet and how we use it when those subsidies end is a country song that will eventually be written.
from blog maverick by markcuban
Married her...
In case you hadn't gone through the fun family pix (that I need to update) this lovely lady is my wonderful wife - Cris.
She is beautiful, funny and smart as hell. She plays and teaches piano, flute, guitar and voice has a degree in Computer Science.
She rides her own motorcycle, is a dead shot with her Walther and cooks like no one else I know.
Damn! I'm a lucky guy.
Now back off you animals - she's mine!!! Get your own.
Gotta get me one of these...
When super car brands are brought up, Volvo doesn't usually come to mind. That might change thanks to Koenigsegg engineer Mattias Vöx and his re-imagined, 600HP, V8-powered modern Volvo P1800.
Don't get us wrong, the two Swedish companies won't officially be working together to build the new Volvo P1800, but their engineering know-how will be in full effect. Vöx has approached Swedish design firm Vizualtech to handle the styling elements of the newly proposed one-off car which, as you can see above, is fairly faithful to the original 1960s design. When viewed next to a classic P1800, you'll first notice that Vizualtech has designed in larger wheel openings to accommodate larger wheels and they've also added 70mm to the front of the car to help fit the proposed powertrain.
Taking cues from his previous 1967 Volvo Amazon station wagon SEMA build, Vöx will supply the new P1800 with a tuned and turbocharged 600-horsepower V8 lifted from a Volvo XC90 SUV mated to a six-speed manual transmission.
We're excited to see this project come to fruition and desperately hope that it isn't just some Swedish meatball pipe dream as so many of these types of projects turn out to be. [autoblog.nl via motorauthority]
So dig this...
I got home with my girls after a run to the supermarket and hear the jailbird neighbor telling his girlfriend that my other neighbor left the gate open so they could swim while he was gone. So I ask him "What's up?" and he says Curt left the gate open so they could swim. Now, I have a pool so I do that for some of my friends but not this guy. So I ask Curt when he gets home--"Dude, did you leave your gate open so that fella could swim?" "Nope." was the answer.
So what's a guy to do?
Leave a comment and I'll tell where it went...
First comment:
Does that mean someone was swimming in your pool?
-----------------------------------------------
--No, that would have ended with the moron at gunpoint and the cops hauling him and his idiot girlfriend to the clink.
What happened was the jailbird moron and the woman with poor choice in men who lives on the corner lied to me and said Curt left his gate open so they could swim in his pool.
When I asked Curt he was pissed.
So, when the moron returned home that evening Curt and I paid him a visit (and Stan) and asked him to clear up the misunderstanding.
He insisted that Curt said he could swim anytime he wanted and took offense about having the whole neighbood in his business. Now, the guy is a mouthbreather who sells stolen tv's for extra money so I gently reminded him that people wandering loose in my neighbor's backyard IS my business and if my wife finds him in mine she's going to shoot him and then call me. I left it at that and let mugsy wander back to his disappointing life.
So, the next day Curt tells me "...I don't think he likes you much..."
My reply was simply - it's not a popularity contest Curt. It's life.
So what's a guy to do?
Leave a comment and I'll tell where it went...
First comment:
Does that mean someone was swimming in your pool?
-----------------------------------------------
--No, that would have ended with the moron at gunpoint and the cops hauling him and his idiot girlfriend to the clink.
What happened was the jailbird moron and the woman with poor choice in men who lives on the corner lied to me and said Curt left his gate open so they could swim in his pool.
When I asked Curt he was pissed.
So, when the moron returned home that evening Curt and I paid him a visit (and Stan) and asked him to clear up the misunderstanding.
He insisted that Curt said he could swim anytime he wanted and took offense about having the whole neighbood in his business. Now, the guy is a mouthbreather who sells stolen tv's for extra money so I gently reminded him that people wandering loose in my neighbor's backyard IS my business and if my wife finds him in mine she's going to shoot him and then call me. I left it at that and let mugsy wander back to his disappointing life.
So, the next day Curt tells me "...I don't think he likes you much..."
My reply was simply - it's not a popularity contest Curt. It's life.
The Rules of Wedding Crashing
1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
2: Never use your real name.
3: When crashing an Indian wedding, identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.
4: No one goes home alone.
5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow crasher.
6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
7: Blend in by standing out.
8: Be the life of the party.
9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
10: Invitations are for pussies.
11: Sensitive is good.
12: When it stops being fun, break something.
13: Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.
14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
18: You love animals and children.
19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
20: The older the better, the younger the better (see below)
21: Definitely make sure she's 18.
22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.
25: You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant.
26: Of course you love her.
27: Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
28: Make sure there's an open bar.
29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
30: Know the play-book so you can call an audible.
31: If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
32: Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
33: Never go back to your place.
34: Be gone by sunrise.
35: Breakfast is for closers.
36: Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
38: Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
39: The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
40: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
41: Never hit on the bride; it's a one way ticket to the pavement.
42: Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
43: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
44: Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after, but don't talk about it.
45: Always remember your fake name! Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's code-name as well!
46: The rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
47: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
48: Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
49: Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
50: Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
51: Always pull out in time.
52: Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put, but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
53: It's time to put your Drama Lessons in practice! Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
54: Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
55: If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
56: Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
57: When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact. Merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on.
58: The Ferrari's in the shop.
59: If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
60: No "chicken dancing." No exceptions.
61: When crashing out of state, request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
62: No more than two weddings a weekend; more and your game gets sloppy. You'll also attract unwanted notice.
63: Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
64: Always save room for cake.
65: When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island.
66: Smile! You're having the time of your life.
67: Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past.
68: Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
69: No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better.
70: Two shutouts in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my happiness?
71: Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more.
72: Studies have shown that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints: small cost, big yield.
73: Keep interactions with the parents of the bride and groom to a minimum.
74: In case of emergency, refer to the book.
75: Do NOT sing at the reception.
76: No excuses. Play like a champion.
77: Carry extra protection at ALL times.
78: The unmarried female rabbi: is she fair game? Of course she is.
79: The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served first.
80: Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
81: Occasionally bring a gift. You're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.
82: Always think ahead, but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.
83: Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
84: Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
85: Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit; not cool, not effective.
86: Shoes say a lot about the man.
87: Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend.
88: You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
89: Know something about the place you say you are from, whether it's another US state or another country. Texas is too played-out. For some reason, England, Germany, or even New Hampshire seem to work. Master the accents convincingly, and you've nailed them!
90: Of course you dream of one day having children.
91: Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how hot the girl.
92: Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
93: Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape.
94: Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
95: Try not to show off on the dance floor. This means you Jeremy.
96: Etiquette isn't old-fashioned, it's sexy.
97: Catholic weddings-- the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony, horny girls.
98: The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully.
99: Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
100: Save the tuxes for "the big show" only.
101: Avoid women who were psychology majors in college. There is no kind of woman more clingy and persistent than a psychologist investigating your story later on.
102: No periwinkle colored ties, please.
103: Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
104: Be well groomed and well-mannered.
105: Never cockblock a fellow Crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest is okay.
106: Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy later.
107: Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
108: Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
109: Always carry an assortment of place cards to match any wedding design.
110: Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
111: Never have sex with bride or groom's mother, even if she is the hottest bombshell at the wedding. Just control yourself.
112: Have FUN! It's why you're there!
113: Don't look for opportunities; make them.
114: 3-4 months to wedding crash--funerals are year round!
115: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket. (The that Jeremy makes up to insult John)
2: Never use your real name.
3: When crashing an Indian wedding, identify yourself as a well-known immigrant officer or a county lawyer.
4: No one goes home alone.
5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow crasher.
6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
7: Blend in by standing out.
8: Be the life of the party.
9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
10: Invitations are for pussies.
11: Sensitive is good.
12: When it stops being fun, break something.
13: Bridesmaids are desperate: console them.
14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
15: Fight the urge to tell the truth.
16: Always have an up-to-date family tree.
17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
18: You love animals and children.
19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
20: The older the better, the younger the better (see below)
21: Definitely make sure she's 18.
22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
24: If you get outed, leave calmly. Do not run.
25: You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant.
26: Of course you love her.
27: Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
28: Make sure there's an open bar.
29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
30: Know the play-book so you can call an audible.
31: If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
32: Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
33: Never go back to your place.
34: Be gone by sunrise.
35: Breakfast is for closers.
36: Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
38: Girls in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up.
39: The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
40: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
41: Never hit on the bride; it's a one way ticket to the pavement.
42: Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
43: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
44: Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after, but don't talk about it.
45: Always remember your fake name! Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's code-name as well!
46: The rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
47: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
48: Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
49: Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
50: Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
51: Always pull out in time.
52: Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put, but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
53: It's time to put your Drama Lessons in practice! Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
54: Avoid virgins. They're too clingy.
55: If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle John. Everyone has an Uncle John.
56: Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up.
57: When seeing a rival Crasher, do not interact. Merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on.
58: The Ferrari's in the shop.
59: If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield.
60: No "chicken dancing." No exceptions.
61: When crashing out of state, request permission from the local Wedding Crasher chapter.
62: No more than two weddings a weekend; more and your game gets sloppy. You'll also attract unwanted notice.
63: Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm.
64: Always save room for cake.
65: When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island.
66: Smile! You're having the time of your life.
67: Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past.
68: Dance with the Bride's grandmother.
69: No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better.
70: Two shutouts in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is it that is getting in the way of my happiness?
71: Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more.
72: Studies have shown that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints: small cost, big yield.
73: Keep interactions with the parents of the bride and groom to a minimum.
74: In case of emergency, refer to the book.
75: Do NOT sing at the reception.
76: No excuses. Play like a champion.
77: Carry extra protection at ALL times.
78: The unmarried female rabbi: is she fair game? Of course she is.
79: The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served first.
80: Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life.
81: Occasionally bring a gift. You're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender.
82: Always think ahead, but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind.
83: Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions.
84: Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder.
85: Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit; not cool, not effective.
86: Shoes say a lot about the man.
87: Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend.
88: You're from out of town. ALWAYS.
89: Know something about the place you say you are from, whether it's another US state or another country. Texas is too played-out. For some reason, England, Germany, or even New Hampshire seem to work. Master the accents convincingly, and you've nailed them!
90: Of course you dream of one day having children.
91: Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how hot the girl.
92: Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and visa-versa.
93: Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape.
94: Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors.
95: Try not to show off on the dance floor. This means you Jeremy.
96: Etiquette isn't old-fashioned, it's sexy.
97: Catholic weddings-- the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony, horny girls.
98: The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully.
99: Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best.
100: Save the tuxes for "the big show" only.
101: Avoid women who were psychology majors in college. There is no kind of woman more clingy and persistent than a psychologist investigating your story later on.
102: No periwinkle colored ties, please.
103: Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
104: Be well groomed and well-mannered.
105: Never cockblock a fellow Crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest is okay.
106: Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy later.
107: Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating.
108: Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around.
109: Always carry an assortment of place cards to match any wedding design.
110: Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too.
111: Never have sex with bride or groom's mother, even if she is the hottest bombshell at the wedding. Just control yourself.
112: Have FUN! It's why you're there!
113: Don't look for opportunities; make them.
114: 3-4 months to wedding crash--funerals are year round!
115: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket. (The that Jeremy makes up to insult John)
busy-ness
Sorry all - I've been pretty busy with the family lately.
I'll try to pick up the pace again...
I'll try to pick up the pace again...
Newlyweds
At 85 years of age, Jack married LaVonne, a lovely 25-year-old. Since her new husband is so old, LaVonne decides that after their wedding she and Jack should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities LaVonne prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Jack, her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Jack takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LaVonne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Jack. Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, LaVonne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Jack kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Jack is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action. Once again they enjoy each other. But as Jack gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Jack.”
Jack, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LaVonne and says, “You mean I was here already?”
Alzheimer’s - it has its advantages.
Bits & Pieces by Jonco
After the wedding festivities LaVonne prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Jack, her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Jack takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, LaVonne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Jack. Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, LaVonne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Jack kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Jack is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action. Once again they enjoy each other. But as Jack gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Jack.”
Jack, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LaVonne and says, “You mean I was here already?”
Alzheimer’s - it has its advantages.
Bits & Pieces by Jonco
Calendar
Recently I wrote that newspapers (all of them online) would become extremely local to your family. CNN had a similar article recently, but what they call hyperlocal is your community, not your family. So that isn't nearly local enough in my view.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/05/01/future.online.news.hyperlocal/index.html?iref=t2test_techtues
Moreover, I think the family calendar is the organizing principle into which all external information should flow. I want the kids' school schedules for sports and plays and even lunch choices to automatically flow into the home calendar. And when I want to decide what to do on the weekend, I want to click on the date for next Saturday and have all the relevant choices of plays, movies, and events pop up. Everything you do has a time dimension. If you are looking for a new home, the open houses are on certain dates, and certain houses that fit your needs are open at certain times. If you are shopping for some particular good, you often need to know the store hours. Your calendar needs to know your shopping list and preferences so it can suggest good times to do certain things.Time is closely related to distance. On a typical night, for a typical family, there is much driving to and fro to deliver people and goods to where they need to be. Sometimes it is more complicated than a Fedex route. It would be nice if the family calendar helped us plan the shortest routes to accomplish all goals. The calendar just needs to know what I need and when, then plan which family member with a car is nearest.Perhaps your calendar could suggest some carpooling as well, all automatically. I don't need to know my friends' business, but if their calendars and mine spoke to each other and found some common driving patterns it could shoot us both an offer to carpool, assuming we had approved those friends in advance for such offers. My phone would get the offer and I could confirm with a simple text message response.When I read the news, I'm generally most interested in how stories have unfolded across time. I want to know the "new news," as in the topics that have never been reported until today, but I also want ongoing charts and graphs about the "old news" such as wars and the economy. My understanding of the war in Iraq, for example, has little to do with what blew up today and a lot to do with the trend lines over the entire war. In other words, I see the news in terms of time.In most families, everyone keeps their own calendar and does a spotty job of sharing what's on it with everyone else. In time that calendar coordination will happen electronically. And most of the information will come from external sources, such as your schools, clubs, and organizations to which you belong.Some time ago I blogged that advertising belongs in your electronic calendar, for your benefit more than for the advertiser. That's because my interest and desire in certain products and services is linked to timing. If my calendar has a certain birthday coming up in a week, and I've checked the boxes saying the person is a certain age and gender, or has certain hobbies, my calendar can start giving me gift suggestions and recommending online flowers and e-cards and the like. In other words, advertisements can move from nuisance to valuable service just by adjusting when you see them.I think the biggest software revolution of the future is that the calendar will be the organizing filter for most of the information flowing into your life. You think you are bombarded with too much information every day, but in reality it is just the timing of the information that is wrong. Once the calendar becomes the organizing paradigm and filter, it won't seem as if there is so much.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/05/01/future.online.news.hyperlocal/index.html?iref=t2test_techtues
Moreover, I think the family calendar is the organizing principle into which all external information should flow. I want the kids' school schedules for sports and plays and even lunch choices to automatically flow into the home calendar. And when I want to decide what to do on the weekend, I want to click on the date for next Saturday and have all the relevant choices of plays, movies, and events pop up. Everything you do has a time dimension. If you are looking for a new home, the open houses are on certain dates, and certain houses that fit your needs are open at certain times. If you are shopping for some particular good, you often need to know the store hours. Your calendar needs to know your shopping list and preferences so it can suggest good times to do certain things.Time is closely related to distance. On a typical night, for a typical family, there is much driving to and fro to deliver people and goods to where they need to be. Sometimes it is more complicated than a Fedex route. It would be nice if the family calendar helped us plan the shortest routes to accomplish all goals. The calendar just needs to know what I need and when, then plan which family member with a car is nearest.Perhaps your calendar could suggest some carpooling as well, all automatically. I don't need to know my friends' business, but if their calendars and mine spoke to each other and found some common driving patterns it could shoot us both an offer to carpool, assuming we had approved those friends in advance for such offers. My phone would get the offer and I could confirm with a simple text message response.When I read the news, I'm generally most interested in how stories have unfolded across time. I want to know the "new news," as in the topics that have never been reported until today, but I also want ongoing charts and graphs about the "old news" such as wars and the economy. My understanding of the war in Iraq, for example, has little to do with what blew up today and a lot to do with the trend lines over the entire war. In other words, I see the news in terms of time.In most families, everyone keeps their own calendar and does a spotty job of sharing what's on it with everyone else. In time that calendar coordination will happen electronically. And most of the information will come from external sources, such as your schools, clubs, and organizations to which you belong.Some time ago I blogged that advertising belongs in your electronic calendar, for your benefit more than for the advertiser. That's because my interest and desire in certain products and services is linked to timing. If my calendar has a certain birthday coming up in a week, and I've checked the boxes saying the person is a certain age and gender, or has certain hobbies, my calendar can start giving me gift suggestions and recommending online flowers and e-cards and the like. In other words, advertisements can move from nuisance to valuable service just by adjusting when you see them.I think the biggest software revolution of the future is that the calendar will be the organizing filter for most of the information flowing into your life. You think you are bombarded with too much information every day, but in reality it is just the timing of the information that is wrong. Once the calendar becomes the organizing paradigm and filter, it won't seem as if there is so much.
Ohhh the humanity !!!!!1
What's left of this Dodge Challenger was spotted outside a Massachusetts body shop earlier today. Apparently the owner was either "doing a drift or a burnout."
Yes, into a wall.
Coolest driveway EVER! ! ! !
What could quite possibly be the coolest driveway ever was found outside of Lakeland, Florida. Our friends at The Car Lounge used Google Earth to get a closer view of this killer not-so-mini racetrack driveway.
If you look closely you'll notice that he's even installed FIA curbs to each of the corners. We're wondering what kind of ride he has lurking under those trees - a shifter kart, some Italian muscle or what.
If you look closely you'll notice that he's even installed FIA curbs to each of the corners. We're wondering what kind of ride he has lurking under those trees - a shifter kart, some Italian muscle or what.
I am heartbroken...
When I was a kid I used to stay up late on the weekend to watch Creature Features with Bob Wilkins. It remains one of my fondest memories. Late nights hanging out out with my brother Frank and uncles Mike and Juan watching Godzilla or some martian movie. Bob was the coolest guy ever. He was so laid back he seemed nearly comatose with mellowness.
Sadly Bob died earlier this year and I have been, until now, unable to blog about it.
Bob, thank you for making such a deep and wonderful impression on my childhood.
You were the coolest guy I new and I looked forward to hanging with you every Friday.
You are sorely missed.
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