The Pope and Hillary
The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. 'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?" He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, no t wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice." The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me." So the Pope slapped her.
Dad sells son's $90 Guitar Hero III game online for more than $9000
MONTREAL (AFP) — After catching his 15-year-old smoking pot, a father sold the hard-to-get "Guitar Hero III" video game he bought his son for 90 dollars for Christmas at an online auction, fetching 9,000 dollars.
The sale took place after the father spent two weeks searching for the video game for the Nintendo Wii gameboard.
"So I was so relieved in that I had finally got the Holy Grail of Christmas presents pretty much just in the nick of time. I couldn't wait to spread the jubilance to my son," the father wrote on the eBay website.
"Then, yesterday, I came home from work early and what do I find? My innocent little boy smoking pot in the back yard with two of his delinquent friends."
The man, a school teacher, who kept his identity private, said he sold the coveted video game to punish his son and discourage him from smoking dope.
The sale was a boon for the family's bank account, since the game the father purchased for 90 dollars (US) was finally sold to an Australian who plunked down 9,100 dollars for it.
The naughty son, however, will not go without a present on Christmas.
"I am still considering getting him a game for his Nintendo. Maybe something like Barbie as the Island Princess or Dancing with the Stars ... I know he will just love them," the father said, tongue-in-cheek.
The sale took place after the father spent two weeks searching for the video game for the Nintendo Wii gameboard.
"So I was so relieved in that I had finally got the Holy Grail of Christmas presents pretty much just in the nick of time. I couldn't wait to spread the jubilance to my son," the father wrote on the eBay website.
"Then, yesterday, I came home from work early and what do I find? My innocent little boy smoking pot in the back yard with two of his delinquent friends."
The man, a school teacher, who kept his identity private, said he sold the coveted video game to punish his son and discourage him from smoking dope.
The sale was a boon for the family's bank account, since the game the father purchased for 90 dollars (US) was finally sold to an Australian who plunked down 9,100 dollars for it.
The naughty son, however, will not go without a present on Christmas.
"I am still considering getting him a game for his Nintendo. Maybe something like Barbie as the Island Princess or Dancing with the Stars ... I know he will just love them," the father said, tongue-in-cheek.
Microwave Beam Stops Cars Dead
The same microwave radiation that reheats pizza can be used to fry the electrical systems in cars, stopping them dead in their tracks.
Emitted from a rooftop device, the radiation could be used by law enforcement officers to put an end to dangerous car chases or by military personnel as a non-lethal way of disabling vehicles that get too close for comfort.
"The idea is to warn an automobile some distance away from a high-value target like a military barrack or a communication center. If they don't comply, you just zap them and it prevents them from coming closer," said James Tatoian, CEO of Eureka Aerospace in Pasadena, Calif.
Tatoian and his team have been working on the device since 2003. The current prototype is about 5 feet long, 3 feet wide, a foot thick, and weighs just under 200 pounds.
The technology uses the same kind of energy used in microwave ovens, but at a different frequency. Ovens typically operate at 2.45 Ghz, whereas the high-power car-stopping system is at 300 megahertz. In both cases, the radiation is above common radio frequencies and is not harmful to humans.
"There are no biological effects," said Tatoian. "We comply with every standard in the literature as far as biological impact."
To disable cars, the device first generates energy that is amplified using a generator. The energy is converted to microwave radiation and then directed, by way of a specially designed antenna, at the offender in a narrow beam.
The higher the frequency of the radiation, the more directed the beam, which allows the user to aim the energy at vulnerable car parts, such as light bulb filaments, lug nuts, frame bolts, or windshield antenna.
Having access to these locations is crucial because newer cars are made with lots of plastic parts, have rustproof paint that prevents electricity from conducting, and have computers already designed to withstand the electromagnetic energy coming from the car engine.
Emitted from a rooftop device, the radiation could be used by law enforcement officers to put an end to dangerous car chases or by military personnel as a non-lethal way of disabling vehicles that get too close for comfort.
"The idea is to warn an automobile some distance away from a high-value target like a military barrack or a communication center. If they don't comply, you just zap them and it prevents them from coming closer," said James Tatoian, CEO of Eureka Aerospace in Pasadena, Calif.
Tatoian and his team have been working on the device since 2003. The current prototype is about 5 feet long, 3 feet wide, a foot thick, and weighs just under 200 pounds.
The technology uses the same kind of energy used in microwave ovens, but at a different frequency. Ovens typically operate at 2.45 Ghz, whereas the high-power car-stopping system is at 300 megahertz. In both cases, the radiation is above common radio frequencies and is not harmful to humans.
"There are no biological effects," said Tatoian. "We comply with every standard in the literature as far as biological impact."
To disable cars, the device first generates energy that is amplified using a generator. The energy is converted to microwave radiation and then directed, by way of a specially designed antenna, at the offender in a narrow beam.
The higher the frequency of the radiation, the more directed the beam, which allows the user to aim the energy at vulnerable car parts, such as light bulb filaments, lug nuts, frame bolts, or windshield antenna.
Having access to these locations is crucial because newer cars are made with lots of plastic parts, have rustproof paint that prevents electricity from conducting, and have computers already designed to withstand the electromagnetic energy coming from the car engine.
One beam pulsed in a burst lasting just 50 nanoseconds is enough to disrupt a vehicle's electrical system. The radiation can overload wires or damage or upset the car's central microprocessor.
In tests on four vehicles, the researchers were able to disable cars from 10 to 50 feet away.
Such a device could go a long way to save time and lives in places like southern California, where highways stretch uninterrupted for long distances and car chases are common.
"Once they get off the streets, they just go until they run out of gas," said commander Charles "Sid" Heal of the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department in Monterey Park, Calif. The department donated test cars for the experiments.
A technology that would shut down a car's computer could not only reduce the number of car chases, but could also allow police officers to intentionally stop a car in a location where the offender might have difficulty running from on foot.
Heal said he would like to see the researchers add a light to beam, so that law enforcers could see where they are directing the beam and offenders would realize that they are on the receiving end of some kind of weapon.
"We can put the visible light on them, and if we don't get compliance, we'll hit them with a device that kills the car," said Heal.
Tatoian thinks that with the proper funding, Eureka Aerospace can shrink the device in less than two years to a 50-pound appliance that looks like a plasma television and can disable cars from 600 feet away.
In tests on four vehicles, the researchers were able to disable cars from 10 to 50 feet away.
Such a device could go a long way to save time and lives in places like southern California, where highways stretch uninterrupted for long distances and car chases are common.
"Once they get off the streets, they just go until they run out of gas," said commander Charles "Sid" Heal of the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department in Monterey Park, Calif. The department donated test cars for the experiments.
A technology that would shut down a car's computer could not only reduce the number of car chases, but could also allow police officers to intentionally stop a car in a location where the offender might have difficulty running from on foot.
Heal said he would like to see the researchers add a light to beam, so that law enforcers could see where they are directing the beam and offenders would realize that they are on the receiving end of some kind of weapon.
"We can put the visible light on them, and if we don't get compliance, we'll hit them with a device that kills the car," said Heal.
Tatoian thinks that with the proper funding, Eureka Aerospace can shrink the device in less than two years to a 50-pound appliance that looks like a plasma television and can disable cars from 600 feet away.
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WARNING: I am crying like a little girl after reading this one...I'm gonna go hug my dog.
SAVANNAH, Ga. - Marine Cpl. Dustin Jerome Lee and his German shepherd, Lex, scoured Iraq for roadside bombs together, slept next to each other and even posed in Santa hats for a holiday photo.
When a mortar attack killed the 20-year-old Marine in Fallujah a few months later, Lex, whimpering from his own injuries, had to be pulled away, Lee's father was told.
That strong bond compelled the slain Marine's family to adopt 8-year-old Lex even though the military said he still had two years of service.
The family lobbied the military for months, launched an Internet petition and enlisted the aid of a North Carolina congressman who took their case straight to the Marine Corps' top general.
'Just like our own'On Wednesday, the Marine Corps finally announced Lex could go home to Lee's family. It is the first time the military has granted a dog early retirement to be adopted by someone other than a former handler.
"We knew that's what Dustin would have wanted out of this," said Jerome Lee, the slain Marine's father. "He knew that we would take care of Lex and love him, just like our own."
Lee's family from Quitman, Miss., is scheduled to pick up Lex from the Albany base Dec. 21, exactly nine months after the fatal attack.
Though some shrapnel remains lodged in his back, Lex has otherwise recovered from his wounds and has been serving alongside military policemen at the Albany base since July.
"It is extraordinary," said Col. Christian Haliday, commander of the Marine Logistics Base in Albany, Ga., where the dog is based. "As far as we know, it's the first time that a waiver of policy of this nature has been granted."
First case of its kindOfficials at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, which trains dogs for all service branches, confirmed it is the first case of its kind.
Lee joined the Marines after graduating from high school in 2004. His father said his drive to become a dog handler came from Lee's mother, who worked with search-and-rescue dogs for their local emergency management agency when Lee was a boy.
After finishing his military police and dog handler training, the young Marine headed to Albany. Lee adopted his first canine partner, Doenja, from the military and sent him home to Mississippi last year when the 11-year-old dog began losing his sight and had to retire.
Lee formed an equally strong bond with his new partner, Lex.
The military has more than 1,700 dogs that work alongside American troops, including about 260 in the Marines. Their bomb-sniffing skills have been in high demand in Iraq and Afghanistan.
U.S. Rep. Walter Jones, R-N.C., said he discussed the Lees' case with Gen. James T. Conway, the Marine Corps commandant.
"The way I look at this, dogs are being trained every day to be a part of the armed forces," Jones said. "This family gave their son for their country. This is a small gift back to them."
When a mortar attack killed the 20-year-old Marine in Fallujah a few months later, Lex, whimpering from his own injuries, had to be pulled away, Lee's father was told.
That strong bond compelled the slain Marine's family to adopt 8-year-old Lex even though the military said he still had two years of service.
The family lobbied the military for months, launched an Internet petition and enlisted the aid of a North Carolina congressman who took their case straight to the Marine Corps' top general.
'Just like our own'On Wednesday, the Marine Corps finally announced Lex could go home to Lee's family. It is the first time the military has granted a dog early retirement to be adopted by someone other than a former handler.
"We knew that's what Dustin would have wanted out of this," said Jerome Lee, the slain Marine's father. "He knew that we would take care of Lex and love him, just like our own."
Lee's family from Quitman, Miss., is scheduled to pick up Lex from the Albany base Dec. 21, exactly nine months after the fatal attack.
Though some shrapnel remains lodged in his back, Lex has otherwise recovered from his wounds and has been serving alongside military policemen at the Albany base since July.
"It is extraordinary," said Col. Christian Haliday, commander of the Marine Logistics Base in Albany, Ga., where the dog is based. "As far as we know, it's the first time that a waiver of policy of this nature has been granted."
First case of its kindOfficials at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, which trains dogs for all service branches, confirmed it is the first case of its kind.
Lee joined the Marines after graduating from high school in 2004. His father said his drive to become a dog handler came from Lee's mother, who worked with search-and-rescue dogs for their local emergency management agency when Lee was a boy.
After finishing his military police and dog handler training, the young Marine headed to Albany. Lee adopted his first canine partner, Doenja, from the military and sent him home to Mississippi last year when the 11-year-old dog began losing his sight and had to retire.
Lee formed an equally strong bond with his new partner, Lex.
The military has more than 1,700 dogs that work alongside American troops, including about 260 in the Marines. Their bomb-sniffing skills have been in high demand in Iraq and Afghanistan.
U.S. Rep. Walter Jones, R-N.C., said he discussed the Lees' case with Gen. James T. Conway, the Marine Corps commandant.
"The way I look at this, dogs are being trained every day to be a part of the armed forces," Jones said. "This family gave their son for their country. This is a small gift back to them."
Sheelah's Joke
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
The Dancing Duck
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
The ones that got away...
Down on the fish farm, workers could not understand why the number of brown trout had suddenly taken a dive. But close observation revealed the reason - an aquatic version of the Great Escape. The resourceful fish are leaping 3ft out of the water and into an eight-inch pipe which brings fresh water into the farm near Alresford, Hampshire. Following their instincts the trout, cousins of the Atlantic salmon, then swim against the flow for 30ft before finding freedom at the other end as they plop into a tributary of the River Itchen.
Simon Johnson, director of the Wild Trout Trust, said: "Brown trout do have migratory tendencies and swim upstream, especially in November and December. "The water coming down from the pipe is oxygenating the pond and this could be kicking in their natural instincts. "They might well think it is a waterfall and are trying to head up it to find a place to spawn."
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