The heaviest element known to science
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons
From Bits & Pieces by Jonco
Doggie CSI
Another cool one from Drew...
DNA Breed Identification
- Discover the breeds present in your dog through DNA
- Get a better understanding of your dog’s behavior, potential health risks and personality
- Get a permanent record of your dog’s DNA
- Simple and harmless collection technique that can be done at home
The DNA of any dog governs the appearance of the dog as well as being related to the general behavioral characteristics of the breed. In recent years, there has been a great deal of research performed on how differences in DNA give rise to the differences that are seen between breeds. Advances in DNA testing technology mean that it has become possible to identify the ancestry of any dog by performing a simple test using a cheek swab. The DNA required for the test to be run is isolated from cells that are trapped on the DNA ID Card. All cells carry the same genetic material, regardless of type or location in the animal. Taking a cheek swab is therefore the easiest way to obtain the samples needed for testing. On receipt at the BioPet testing site the samples are prepared and analyzed, resulting in a rapid and accurate determination of the breeds that have contributed to the makeup of your dog. We believe that 92% of the mixed breed dog population in the USA is covered by our 62 validated breeds.
DNA Breed Identification
- Discover the breeds present in your dog through DNA
- Get a better understanding of your dog’s behavior, potential health risks and personality
- Get a permanent record of your dog’s DNA
- Simple and harmless collection technique that can be done at home
The DNA of any dog governs the appearance of the dog as well as being related to the general behavioral characteristics of the breed. In recent years, there has been a great deal of research performed on how differences in DNA give rise to the differences that are seen between breeds. Advances in DNA testing technology mean that it has become possible to identify the ancestry of any dog by performing a simple test using a cheek swab. The DNA required for the test to be run is isolated from cells that are trapped on the DNA ID Card. All cells carry the same genetic material, regardless of type or location in the animal. Taking a cheek swab is therefore the easiest way to obtain the samples needed for testing. On receipt at the BioPet testing site the samples are prepared and analyzed, resulting in a rapid and accurate determination of the breeds that have contributed to the makeup of your dog. We believe that 92% of the mixed breed dog population in the USA is covered by our 62 validated breeds.
My wife will explain it to me later...
There were three Medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.
The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had 5 squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.
I guess this just proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight. The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had 5 squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food. The second kingdom had 20 knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle. At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in). The battle raged, and when the dust cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.
I guess this just proves that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
From Melissa...
Scene:
I am sitting Indian style on the bed.
Scotty is jumping around and flying Tinkerbell through the air and landing her in my eye.
I fart.
It is terrible.
My eyes water.
I grab Scotty's head and shove it in my lap and he giggles.
Until he has to breathe.
He screams.
He starts to fight a little bit.
Poor child goes limp.
I let him up for air and he screams "Ew! Gross!"
And curtain.
You're welcome.
I am sitting Indian style on the bed.
Scotty is jumping around and flying Tinkerbell through the air and landing her in my eye.
I fart.
It is terrible.
My eyes water.
I grab Scotty's head and shove it in my lap and he giggles.
Until he has to breathe.
He screams.
He starts to fight a little bit.
Poor child goes limp.
I let him up for air and he screams "Ew! Gross!"
And curtain.
You're welcome.
Old Indian...
The old Indian wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?”
“Make jewelry and sell it,” was the response.
“What have you got for collateral?”
“Don’t know collateral.”
“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?”
“Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.”
The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”
“Yes, I have a horse.”
“How old is it?”
“Don’t know, has no teeth.”
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here to pay.” he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”
“Put in tepee.”
“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank,” he asked.
“Don’t know deposit.”
“You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”
The old Indian leaned across the desk, “What you got for collateral?”
From Bits and Pieces a hilarious blog that I rip off all the time...
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