HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Italian from New Jersey fumed, ‘What’s with those jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’
The Indian doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’
The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’
The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’
The Italian from New Jersey said, ‘Why the fuck can’t they play at night?
The Italian from New Jersey fumed, ‘What’s with those jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’
The Indian doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’
The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’
The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’
The Italian from New Jersey said, ‘Why the fuck can’t they play at night?
For ROB ! ! ! ! !
A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff’s Department is being interviewed.
The Deputy doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good,
but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be
accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and
go out and shoot six illegal aliens, Six ACLU lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?”
“So much for the attitude test,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”
The Deputy doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good,
but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be
accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and
go out and shoot six illegal aliens, Six ACLU lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?”
“So much for the attitude test,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”
Brilliant ! ! !
Ever since i was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, ‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’ ‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor. ‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup!’
‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed !
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’ ‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor. ‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup!’
‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed !
Doing the Right Thing
A guy with a pistol in his car is involved in an accident where he had to go to a hospital turns his gun over to police for safekeeping. Most of us agree it’s the right thing to do if your car is going to be towed, and sitting on a lot god knows where, likely with shattered windows. Guy goes back a few days later to get his gun, and he’s told he can’t have it until the police finish running ballistics test on it, to make sure it hasn’t been used in a crime.
What message does that send to the next guy? We’re constantly harped on by the anti-gun people about being responsible, and when we are, we get kicked in the teeth for it. No doubt the gun control groups would argue “the responsible thing is leaving your gun at home, neanderthal!” but they’ve lost that argument. The Fayetteville Police are insuring the next person to come along won’t do the right thing, and we’ll risk having a gun stolen and ending up on the streets.
from Snowflakes in Hell by Sebastian
Holy crap we WON ! ! ! !
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. – Chad Ochocinco showed he can kick as well as catch. And Tom Brady showed he can take a hit — a very hard one.
With Shayne Graham nursing a tender groin, Ochocinco, Cincinnati's career leader in catches, yards receiving and name changes, booted an extra point late in the first half — a point that gave the Bengals a 7-6 win over the New England Patriots on Thursday night.
By that time, Brady was done for the night after being knocked down twice on his 13 snaps, one week after remaining upright on all 24 of his snaps in a 27-25 win at Philadelphia.
He got up quickly both times, his left knee passing the test after surgery that followed a season-ending knee injury in last year's opener.
Keith Rivers tossed Brady softly after the NFL's 2007 MVP threw incomplete on his third snap and landed on his back. On the first play of his second and last series, Brady was flattened by left end Robert Geathers, who easily got around right tackle Nick Kaczur and dumped Brady on his left side.
Cincinnati scored the only touchdown between field goals of 32 and 41 yards by New England's Stephen Gostkowski and led 7-6 at halftime.
Late in the game, the Patriots drove to a first down at the Bengals 12, but Cincinnati's Marvin White recovered BenJarvus Green-Ellis' fumble with 3:43 to play
The only touchdown came on J.T. O'Sullivan 24-yard pass to Chris Henry in the back left side of the end zone with 1:55 left in the half. Then the former Chad Johnson trotted onto the field and lined up behind holder Kevin Huber. The snap, hold and kick all worked as planned.
" 'Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world," Ochocinco said. "Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."
With Shayne Graham nursing a tender groin, Ochocinco, Cincinnati's career leader in catches, yards receiving and name changes, booted an extra point late in the first half — a point that gave the Bengals a 7-6 win over the New England Patriots on Thursday night.
By that time, Brady was done for the night after being knocked down twice on his 13 snaps, one week after remaining upright on all 24 of his snaps in a 27-25 win at Philadelphia.
He got up quickly both times, his left knee passing the test after surgery that followed a season-ending knee injury in last year's opener.
Keith Rivers tossed Brady softly after the NFL's 2007 MVP threw incomplete on his third snap and landed on his back. On the first play of his second and last series, Brady was flattened by left end Robert Geathers, who easily got around right tackle Nick Kaczur and dumped Brady on his left side.
Cincinnati scored the only touchdown between field goals of 32 and 41 yards by New England's Stephen Gostkowski and led 7-6 at halftime.
Late in the game, the Patriots drove to a first down at the Bengals 12, but Cincinnati's Marvin White recovered BenJarvus Green-Ellis' fumble with 3:43 to play
The only touchdown came on J.T. O'Sullivan 24-yard pass to Chris Henry in the back left side of the end zone with 1:55 left in the half. Then the former Chad Johnson trotted onto the field and lined up behind holder Kevin Huber. The snap, hold and kick all worked as planned.
" 'Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world," Ochocinco said. "Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."
How Does a Jedi Master Eat Noodles?
Yes, starting in November, the Japanese company Kotobukiya will be selling chopsticks that look like red, blue, or green lightsabers. I love that the hilts are different on each set, because of course they would be much less realistic if they all had matching hilts. At only $10 a pair, I may have to get several, because my kid will want them as soon as she sees them, too. That, and I figure if I get different colors I can mix them up so that when I eat with them, it’ll look like the chopsticks are fighting with each other.
Random Wikipedia
I stole this from The J-Walk Blog
How many times will you have to click the Random Article link at Wikipedia before you find an article that's interesting?
How many times will you have to click the Random Article link at Wikipedia before you find an article that's interesting?
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