Michael Phelps Chuck Norris'd

Michael Phelps isn’t like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps can make water run uphill
Michael Phelps doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage
Michael Phleps wasn’t born he was hatched
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult
Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke
Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him
When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps
Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps
On the Asian market, Michael Phelps’ urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce
Michael Phelps can dribble a football
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably
When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get wet. Water gets Michael Phelpsed
Michael Phelps can divide by zero
When you Google ‘Michael Phelps losing’ you get no results because it just doesn’t happen
Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean
If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he’d win. Period.
Phelps doesn’t sweat, he drips chlorine
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin’ about.
Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale
Michael Phelps can swim through ice
When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke
You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps…. Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time
People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing
Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley
Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls
As a child, Phelps didn’t wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps
As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future
Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim
Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle

from Bits & Pieces by Jonco