Too funny
Michael Phelps Chuck Norris'd
Michael Phelps isn’t like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps can make water run uphill
Michael Phelps doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage
Michael Phleps wasn’t born he was hatched
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult
Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke
Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him
When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps
Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps
On the Asian market, Michael Phelps’ urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce
Michael Phelps can dribble a football
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably
When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get wet. Water gets Michael Phelpsed
Michael Phelps can divide by zero
When you Google ‘Michael Phelps losing’ you get no results because it just doesn’t happen
Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean
If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he’d win. Period.
Phelps doesn’t sweat, he drips chlorine
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin’ about.
Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale
Michael Phelps can swim through ice
When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke
You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps…. Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time
People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing
Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley
Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls
As a child, Phelps didn’t wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps
As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future
Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim
Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle
from Bits & Pieces by Jonco
Michael Phelps can make water run uphill
Michael Phelps doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage
Michael Phleps wasn’t born he was hatched
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult
Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke
Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him
When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps
Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps
On the Asian market, Michael Phelps’ urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce
Michael Phelps can dribble a football
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably
When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn’t get wet. Water gets Michael Phelpsed
Michael Phelps can divide by zero
When you Google ‘Michael Phelps losing’ you get no results because it just doesn’t happen
Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean
If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he’d win. Period.
Phelps doesn’t sweat, he drips chlorine
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin’ about.
Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale
Michael Phelps can swim through ice
When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke
You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps…. Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time
People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing
Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley
Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls
As a child, Phelps didn’t wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps
As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future
Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim
Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle
from Bits & Pieces by Jonco
Hoist a drink today ! ! !
Today, August 19, marks a very special anniversary for Star Trek fans everywhere. On this date in 1921, a man named Eugene Wesley Roddenberry was born in Texas. Following distinguished service in the U.S. Army Air Corps in World War II, he became a police officer while trying to start a career writing for television in Hollywood. When that career began to take off, he quit the police force and wrote full-time, on many different 1950s TV shows. After a stint on Have Gun, Will Travel, he produced his own series, called The Lieutenant. When that didn't do very well, he produced a pilot for a science-fiction series, which he famously pitched as "A Wagon Train to the Stars." Of course, that series was the original Star Trek, or at least it was after another, different pilot was made. He was also heavily involved in the films and the other series, right up until his death, of heart failure, on October 24, 1991. Great Bird of the Galaxy, we still miss you.
But wait: there's more! Today is also the birthday of Jonathan Frakes, the man behind the beard of Commander William Thelonious Riker. Frakes is a multitalented man, able not only to act but also direct and play the trombone, though probably not all at the same time. He was born on this date in 1952, and we at GeekDad wish him a very happy birthday, and many more to come!
GeekDad
Him and Her - The difference
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS Journal:
Harley wouldn’t start today, but at least I got laid.
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS Journal:
Harley wouldn’t start today, but at least I got laid.
How To Save the Government $5 Million!
A president’s pension currently is $191,300 per year, lasting until he is 80 years old.
Assuming the next president lives to age 80:
1) Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension, as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president.
2) Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms, so would receive $4,973,800 in pension.
Therefore, it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.
Now, how’s that for non-partisan thinking???
According to Snopes the is all wrong - the pension is lifetime!!!
Thanks Bits and Pieces
Cool
A U.S. soldier stationed in Iraq asked his wife to send him dirt ( U.S. soil), fertilizer, and some grass seed so that he can have the sweet aroma, and feel of grass growing beneath his feet. Before his squadron leave on a mission they take turns walking through the grass and the American soil — to bring them good luck.
Chinese Gymnastics hopeful for 2012
Don't worry her passport will verify that she'll be 16 by 2012.
The Olympics’ age-old problem
By Dan Wetzel, Yahoo! Sports
BEIJING – For a long time, elements of the Chinese government itself thought women’s gymnast He Kexin was born Jan. 1, 1994, which would make her 14 and too young to compete in these Summer Olympics.
Whether it was repeated mentions in the government-controlled media – including a new one uncovered Friday by the Associated Press – or on official gymnastic meet registration forms and websites, He was “this little girl” and a “new star.”
As recently as December 2007, in provincial gymnastics meets and news reports that covered it, she was a 13-year-old prodigy, too young for the 16-year-old Olympic age limit for gymnastics.
Then, suddenly, she wasn’t.
Earlier this year China produced her passport that claimed she was born Jan. 1, 1992, making her old enough to perform a brilliant uneven bar routine and push China to the women’s all around gold medal.
The Chinese either got it wrong in 2007 or wrong in 2008. Considering 2000 Chinese bronze medalist Yang Yun later admitted on state television she was 14 that year, the reported ages of He Kexin and at least two of her teammates have aroused suspicion in nearly everyone except the powers that be – the International Gymnastics Federation (FIG) and the International Olympic Committee (IOC).
Continued: http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/gymnastics/news;_ylt=AqdR14JJPeThLfiErqRf99udaJh4?slug=dw-gymnastsage081408&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
I got some squirr.. uh Racoons.
Locals at a village pub in Norfolk are beating the credit crunch by bartering home-grown produce for pints. The Pigs public house, in Edgefield, near Holt, encourages drinkers to contribute to its traditional food menu in return for free alcohol. A sign placed inside the pub reads: "If you grow, breed, shoot or steal anything that may look at home on our menu, bring it in and let's do a deal." Pints have been exchanged for a kilo of potatoes, three whole mackerel and a kilo of fresh fruit. Locally shot rabbits, pheasants and pigeons have also been exchanged for beer. Manager Cloe Wasey, 24, said the offer has been a success as people have started to feel the credit crunch. "Someone will say 'that rabbit tasted great' and we say 'here, meet the person who shot it'. It's also a challenge for the chef to make the most of the ingredients."
Wow
Georgian reporter gets grazed by bullet on air. Throws on vest and keeps on reporting. Take that Dan Rather!!
Chocolate covered bacon !?!?!?
It sounds so wrong. But it tastes just right, says Joseph Marini III, a fourth-generation candy maker who is selling the bacon bonbons at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk seaside amusement park.
For Penny...
You think groceries are expensive where you are? In Ishikawa Prefecture, Japan, a bunch of grapes sold for 100,000 yen Monday. That’s $920! The new variety Ruby Roman grapes are the size of ping pong balls and sell for an average of $248 a bunch.
Maybe Penny and Frank can plant us some to experience for ourselves...
Sounds like fun
This seems to be more of an art project than a telecommunications aid. Dial the published number, and an answering machine will relay your message to Telemegaphone Dale, which will amplify it and broadcast it over the hills of Norway.
Telemegaphone Dale stands seven metres tall on top of the Bergskletten mountain overlooking the idyllic Dalsfjord in Western Norway.
When you dial the Telemegaphone’s phone number the sound of your voice is projected out across the fjord, the valley and the village of Dale below.
There are no worries about an electrical outage, since the device is powered by wind. Only time will tell if the residents of Dale and the surrounding valley will put up with calls coming in from all time zones.
Link
Thanks to Neatorama
Cool
You Are Kayaking |
 You have a competitive spirit, but you don't like to compete alone. You do well in a partnership, where you can feed off the other person's energy. If you have the right partner, nothing can stop you. Your energy is infinite! |
Latest Celebrity Crush--Shawn Johnson
Some guys like Angelina Jolie (yuck) or Selma Hayek (eh) but my new celebrity crush is
Shawn Johnson.
She is sooo cute I can't help myself.
WTF !?!?
MTV is doing the time warp on a remake of 1975 cult classic "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
Lou Adler, exec producer of the original film, is partnering with BermanBraun and Fox Television Studios on the new rendition.
Two-hour remake will use the original screenplay by Jim Sharman and Richard O'Brien but may also include music not featured in the original.
Helmer and casting decisions have yet to be announced.
Fox is sin discussions with BSkyB and Sky Movies to co-finance and distribute the telepic abroad.
Timetable for the start of production hasn't been established yet but the partners aim to move forward quickly once the final elements are in place.
"I'd like to see it shown a year from this coming Halloween, but that's up to MTV," Adler said.
BermanBraun principal Gail Berman will exec produce the project along with partner Lloyd Braun. Berman has been attached to a "Rocky Horror" remake dating back to her tenure as Fox programming chief (Daily Variety, July 1, 2002).
The original "Rocky Horror," starring Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick and Meatloaf, has grossed $140 million in domestic box office over the years, primarily from the wallets of youthful audience members who have shown up for midnight screenings over the past three decades.
Read the full article at:
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117989391.html
Where's Bradlito?
Brad is the manly looking dude on the left. I don't know anyone else but I gave some of them names because I was bored and wanted to see if Brad would have to whoop some ass.
(From left) USS Rodney M. Davis (FFG 60), JS Setogiri, USS O’Kane (DDG 77) and Kitty Hawk steam in formation for the RIMPAC group photo off the coast of the Hawaiian Islands July 29. (U.S. Navy photo by MC3 Kyle Gahlau)
The ship at bottom left of this photo is the Rodney M. Davis--note she is flying her 'Battle Ensign' a rather large flag that is traditionally used to identify friend or foe during battle. It was also used to indicate whether the ship was still actively participating in said battle or was dropping out--known as 'striking the colors'.
She is a Perry class frigate and my pal Brad is currently serving aboard her. He is rated as an HT1 which if you ask him means he makes sure the officers crapper works right but I am sure it means he is some sort of one man invasion force that they secretly put ashore when some knucklehead needs straightening out.
Brad was part of an operation that netted the first ever maritime seizure of liquid cocaine. (see below)
He also tells me he just attended the re-enlistment ceremony for the USS Missouri.
Wouldn't that have been cool to see?
The first maritime seizure of liquid cocaine occurred April 25 when the USS Rodney M. Davis located the fishing vessel Emperador from Ecuador in the Eastern Pacific. A Coast Guard law enforcement team from Alameda boarded the Emperador and located 3,850 gallons of liquid cocaine. Each gallon of the liquid is the equivalent of 1.3 kilograms of processed cocaine. The Coast Guard boarding team detained the 17 crewmembers of the vessel. Sixteen of the crewmembers were from Ecuador, and one of the crewmembers was Colombian. The Coast Guard boarding team and crew of the USS Davis transported the vessel to Guayaquil, Ecuador, for further examination by officials from the Drug Enforcement Administration and Ecuadorian authorities. The majority of the liquid cocaine, 3,600 gallons, was turned over to Ecuadorian authorities for destruction. The 16 Ecuadorian crewmembers were transferred to Ecuador for prosecution. The Colombian crewmember is awaiting trial in the United States. A small amount of the liquid cocaine, 250 gallons, will be offloaded to prosecute the suspected Colombian smuggler.
I will post more pics and stories from Brad as they come in and maybe they can be a regular part of the blog. I for one find it exciting that my friend is sailing all over the place and has such cool experiences.
Too cool...
I love the kid sized stuff in the NFL Pro Shop. It's so cute and really well priced.
I'm going to have to order up some of this stuff for the girls and maybe get something that matches for myself.
We'd look great on gameday!!!
Gotta get me one of these ! !
Quoting the site...
I was going to build the Gazebo on the edge of my dock down by the lake, but I thought I might just as well buildthe deck with floats on it and then I can take it out fishing too. Has 15,000 pound capacity. The deck is 18ft x 18ftwith 12 plastic foam-filled dock floats that are 4ft x 4ft by 18 inch high and the Gazebo is 10 ft. Hexagon with atable and chairs inside. Under the table is my trolling motor so I can take it out to my favorite fishing hole.The trolling motor is wireless remote controlled so I can be fishing outside and operate the motor.On the top of the table I have a LOWRANCE Fish-Finder with depth sounding sonar and temperature gauge.I have 2 electric winches with 40 pound anchors... and I've also built in a water pump so I can clean the fishright on the spot. Now I can relax and fish while my wife can sit and relax...
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_jan2008/FloatingGazebo.htm
You might be a rednecked superhero if...
If any part of your costume is made of flannel or denim…
If your “secret weapon against crime” is a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun…
If your “secret hideout” is a double-wide with camouflage netting…
If your battle cry is “Git ‘im!”…
If you lose your powers from prolonged exposure to soap…
If you got your powers from radioactive chewing tobacco…
If among your powers you list “high school diploma”…
If your emblem is a Skoal patch…
If your canine sidekick has three legs…
If that sidekick’s name is “Mangy”…
If your arch-nemesis is Mr. Toothless…
If your teenaged cousin is your sidekick AND your love-interest…
If any of your enemies has ever confounded you by writing out clues in cursive…
If your rogue's gallery includes the county tax assessor…
If, upon your arrival, the citizenry comment: "Look, over there, it's a derelict, no it's a ditch-digger, no its…"
If your advice to young readers ever includes "Pick 'em up by the ears, and it don't hurt 'em so much…"
… you might be a Redneck Superhero
Blatantly stolen from geekdad
If your “secret weapon against crime” is a double-barreled sawed-off shotgun…
If your “secret hideout” is a double-wide with camouflage netting…
If your battle cry is “Git ‘im!”…
If you lose your powers from prolonged exposure to soap…
If you got your powers from radioactive chewing tobacco…
If among your powers you list “high school diploma”…
If your emblem is a Skoal patch…
If your canine sidekick has three legs…
If that sidekick’s name is “Mangy”…
If your arch-nemesis is Mr. Toothless…
If your teenaged cousin is your sidekick AND your love-interest…
If any of your enemies has ever confounded you by writing out clues in cursive…
If your rogue's gallery includes the county tax assessor…
If, upon your arrival, the citizenry comment: "Look, over there, it's a derelict, no it's a ditch-digger, no its…"
If your advice to young readers ever includes "Pick 'em up by the ears, and it don't hurt 'em so much…"
… you might be a Redneck Superhero
Blatantly stolen from geekdad
Government work...
Council workmen who were resurfacing a road reached a parked car and simply laid the Tarmac around it. Contractors for Hertfordshire County Council were unable to trace the owner of the Renault Modus, which was legally parked on Apton Road, Bishop's Stortford, with a permit holder's space. The council had no legal right to move the vehicle - and authorised workmen to lay the road around it. And although the car has now been removed, the patch of unsurfaced road may be left as it is to save money. A spokesman for Hertfordshire County Council said: "We made exhaustive efforts to contact the owner, with the help of the police, but obviously were not successful. "The car was legally parked so there were no legal grounds for moving it, which meant that Highways had no choice but to work around it." He also said that the unsurfaced patch may never be filled in "If it is in good condition, it will be left as it is," he said.
Tree ! ! !
A New Zealand motorist was almost crushed as he drove beneath a large tree that was in the process of toppling over.
The near-miss was caught on camera by a Nelson resident.
Police surrounded the tree, which stood outside Liquor King on the intersection of Collingwood and Hardy Streets in the middle of Nelson, as it swayed in high winds for some time before finally coming down with a loud thud just as a red car passed underneath.
Cameraman Dave Finlay said the driver had done a U-turn on Collingworth St about 3.30pm and drove back towards the tree. Police had run towards his vehicle to try and stop him from driving but it was too late.
Thanks to Arbroath
Funny
The All Blacks--a rugby team--uses a "Haka"--Maori war chant--to intimidate their opponents before each game. I love the scottish response in this parody.
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