Glad I live in California...

Oh No...

We'll Miss You...

Ronnie James Dio, legendary vocalist for Black Sabbath, Heaven & Hell and Dio, has died after a battle with stomach cancer, according to his wife, Wendy Dio. He was 67 years old.

For Melissa...

A woman was kicked to death by a giraffe on a South African game farm while she was out walking her dogs. Merike Engelbrecht, 25, was discovered by her family with a broken neck after one of the two dogs with its leash still attached returned to their property without her.

Her brother Hannes Visser said trackers suspected the pets disturbed a herd of giraffes which included a cow and calf who may have become protective of her offspring. "It seems as if she grabbed the dog and tried to protect it. That was when the giraffe kicked her from the back in the neck. Her neck was broken. She died instantly," Mr Visser said.

Mr Visser said the family were visiting the game park in Limpopo province near the Zimbabwe border to celebrate their mother's 50th birthday, which coincided with Engelbrecht and husband Juan's first wedding anniversary. Both German Shorthaired Pointer dogs Tasco and Jasha suffered bruising from the incident on Saturday morning.

Despite their elegant appearance, giraffes possess a powerful kick if threatened. Scientists said one kick can shatter the skull or break the spine of a lion - one of its main predators. "The trackers were able to work out what had happened from the tracks and the marks on the ground," family member William Smith said. "It was a total freak accident. She gave her life to protect her dogs." He said the family did not resent the animal or the game park in Musina which they visited before. The giraffe will not be destroyed.

For Michelle...

No You Can't...


A woman walks into the bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says to her, “Damn, you are totally gonna get laid tonight.” The lady responds, “Wow, thanks. Is it because of something I’m wearing?” The bartenders says, “No, it’s because I’m stronger than you.”

For Brad...

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Wisconsin girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so
cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The Wisconsin girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
In Wisconsin , we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

God Bless Wisconsin

Thanks Longrooffan

Gotta Get Me One of These...


The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


Those spoilsport researchers at Princeton are off spreading the word that sweet, delicious high-fructose corn syrup is as bad for your diet as Taylor Swift music is for your soul. The substance, found in soda, cookies, salad dressing and pretty much everything else that tastes good, is worse for you than fat or sucrose.

From the Princeton story:

In addition to causing significant weight gain in lab animals, long-term consumption of high-fructose corn syrup also led to abnormal increases in body fat, especially in the abdomen, and a rise in circulating blood fats called triglycerides. The researchers say the work sheds light on the factors contributing to obesity trends in the United States.
"Some people have claimed that high-fructose corn syrup is no different than other sweeteners when it comes to weight gain and obesity, but our results make it clear that this just isn't true, at least under the conditions of our tests," said psychology professor Bart Hoebel, who specializes in the neuroscience of appetite, weight and sugar addiction. "When rats are drinking high-fructose corn syrup at levels well below those in soda pop, they're becoming obese -- every single one, across the board. Even when rats are fed a high-fat diet, you don't see this; they don't all gain extra weight."
Don't worry, HFCS, I still love you. Because a life lived without being destroyed from the inside by you is hardly a life worth living.
A sweet problem: Princeton researchers find that high-fructose corn syrup prompts considerably more weight gain [Princeton University]

(Thank, Chiko and Cy!)



A lady walks into a drugstore and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. ??The pharmacist says, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady then explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes get big and he says, “I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license. They’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!”
The lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says, “Ohhhh. Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription!”

From My Brother Domo...

How to fail a breath test...