My lovely sister is a teacher and this is a very common occurence for her and she's heard all of these excuses and more.
I tell her often that I do not envy her profession. I want to think that I would have been a good teacher but I don't have the patience it takes to keep from tossing some dumb assed kid in to the hallway nor to put up with idiotic parents.
I try to treat my kids teachers as professionals in a hard job that they love.
At my office, we think it’s hilarious to fill people’s cubes with balloons (and then our facilities people get upset). At Legoland, they think it’s hilarious to replace your car with one made of little plastic bricks. They win. It took 201,076 Legos (that’s 2,934 pounds’ worth) to build this Volvo replica.
Go the F*** to Sleep is a hilarious bedtime story for parents. Adam Mansbach captures the exasperated thoughts parents have when the kids just won’t go to sleep.
According to the publisher’s summary:
California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach’s profane, affectionate, and radically honest verses perfectly capture the familiar – and unspoken – tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. In the process, he opens up a conversation about parenting, granting us permission to admit our frustrations and laugh at their absurdity.
When I first saw the book a few weeks ago I thought Samuel L. Jackson would be the perfect narrator. After all, a similar line of profane exasperation was the highlight of “Snakes on a Plane.”
Apparently, I was not alone. As you can guess from the title of this story, Samuel L. Jackson has recorded an audio edition of the book.
Jackson explained in the narration before reading the text of the book:
I was anxious to do the audio read of this book because my agent has twins and he gave me the book and I read it and I fell out laughing. I remember all those times when I did read to my daughter when she was that age. Everybody tells you reading stories will put kids to sleep, but it never works. It didn’t in my house.
For a short time, you can download a free copy of Samuel L. Jackson reading Go the F*** to Sleep from Audible’s store on Amazon.com. A video of Jackson recording the audio book can be seen on The Onion’s news wire.
I thought Mr. Jackson was the perfect choice to be the narrator. Who would you like to hear read the story?
The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema enforces old-fashioned theater etiquette. They have two rules: no talking during a movie, and no phone usage. After a woman was ejected from the theater for texting during a film, she left an angry voice mail. The theater promptly turned her message into a public service announcement.