HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Italian from New Jersey fumed, ‘What’s with those jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’
The Indian doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’
The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’
The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’
The Italian from New Jersey said, ‘Why the fuck can’t they play at night?
The Italian from New Jersey fumed, ‘What’s with those jerks? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’
The Indian doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’
The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’
The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’
The Italian from New Jersey said, ‘Why the fuck can’t they play at night?
For ROB ! ! ! ! !
A man seeking to join an East Texas Sheriff’s Department is being interviewed.
The Deputy doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good,
but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be
accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and
go out and shoot six illegal aliens, Six ACLU lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?”
“So much for the attitude test,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”
The Deputy doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good,
but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be
accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and
go out and shoot six illegal aliens, Six ACLU lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?”
“So much for the attitude test,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”
Brilliant ! ! !
Ever since i was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, ‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’ ‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor. ‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup!’
‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed !
‘Just put yourself in my hands for one year,’ said the shrink. ‘Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.’
‘How much do you charge?’ ‘Eighty dollars per visit,’ replied the doctor. ‘I’ll sleep on it,’ I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. ‘Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?’ he asked.
‘Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup!’
‘Is that so!’ With a bit of an attitude he said, ‘and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?’
‘He told me to cut the legs off the bed !
Doing the Right Thing
A guy with a pistol in his car is involved in an accident where he had to go to a hospital turns his gun over to police for safekeeping. Most of us agree it’s the right thing to do if your car is going to be towed, and sitting on a lot god knows where, likely with shattered windows. Guy goes back a few days later to get his gun, and he’s told he can’t have it until the police finish running ballistics test on it, to make sure it hasn’t been used in a crime.
What message does that send to the next guy? We’re constantly harped on by the anti-gun people about being responsible, and when we are, we get kicked in the teeth for it. No doubt the gun control groups would argue “the responsible thing is leaving your gun at home, neanderthal!” but they’ve lost that argument. The Fayetteville Police are insuring the next person to come along won’t do the right thing, and we’ll risk having a gun stolen and ending up on the streets.
from Snowflakes in Hell by Sebastian
Holy crap we WON ! ! ! !
FOXBOROUGH, Mass. – Chad Ochocinco showed he can kick as well as catch. And Tom Brady showed he can take a hit — a very hard one.
With Shayne Graham nursing a tender groin, Ochocinco, Cincinnati's career leader in catches, yards receiving and name changes, booted an extra point late in the first half — a point that gave the Bengals a 7-6 win over the New England Patriots on Thursday night.
By that time, Brady was done for the night after being knocked down twice on his 13 snaps, one week after remaining upright on all 24 of his snaps in a 27-25 win at Philadelphia.
He got up quickly both times, his left knee passing the test after surgery that followed a season-ending knee injury in last year's opener.
Keith Rivers tossed Brady softly after the NFL's 2007 MVP threw incomplete on his third snap and landed on his back. On the first play of his second and last series, Brady was flattened by left end Robert Geathers, who easily got around right tackle Nick Kaczur and dumped Brady on his left side.
Cincinnati scored the only touchdown between field goals of 32 and 41 yards by New England's Stephen Gostkowski and led 7-6 at halftime.
Late in the game, the Patriots drove to a first down at the Bengals 12, but Cincinnati's Marvin White recovered BenJarvus Green-Ellis' fumble with 3:43 to play
The only touchdown came on J.T. O'Sullivan 24-yard pass to Chris Henry in the back left side of the end zone with 1:55 left in the half. Then the former Chad Johnson trotted onto the field and lined up behind holder Kevin Huber. The snap, hold and kick all worked as planned.
" 'Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world," Ochocinco said. "Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."
With Shayne Graham nursing a tender groin, Ochocinco, Cincinnati's career leader in catches, yards receiving and name changes, booted an extra point late in the first half — a point that gave the Bengals a 7-6 win over the New England Patriots on Thursday night.
By that time, Brady was done for the night after being knocked down twice on his 13 snaps, one week after remaining upright on all 24 of his snaps in a 27-25 win at Philadelphia.
He got up quickly both times, his left knee passing the test after surgery that followed a season-ending knee injury in last year's opener.
Keith Rivers tossed Brady softly after the NFL's 2007 MVP threw incomplete on his third snap and landed on his back. On the first play of his second and last series, Brady was flattened by left end Robert Geathers, who easily got around right tackle Nick Kaczur and dumped Brady on his left side.
Cincinnati scored the only touchdown between field goals of 32 and 41 yards by New England's Stephen Gostkowski and led 7-6 at halftime.
Late in the game, the Patriots drove to a first down at the Bengals 12, but Cincinnati's Marvin White recovered BenJarvus Green-Ellis' fumble with 3:43 to play
The only touchdown came on J.T. O'Sullivan 24-yard pass to Chris Henry in the back left side of the end zone with 1:55 left in the half. Then the former Chad Johnson trotted onto the field and lined up behind holder Kevin Huber. The snap, hold and kick all worked as planned.
" 'Esteban' Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world," Ochocinco said. "Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."
How Does a Jedi Master Eat Noodles?
Yes, starting in November, the Japanese company Kotobukiya will be selling chopsticks that look like red, blue, or green lightsabers. I love that the hilts are different on each set, because of course they would be much less realistic if they all had matching hilts. At only $10 a pair, I may have to get several, because my kid will want them as soon as she sees them, too. That, and I figure if I get different colors I can mix them up so that when I eat with them, it’ll look like the chopsticks are fighting with each other.
Random Wikipedia
I stole this from The J-Walk Blog
How many times will you have to click the Random Article link at Wikipedia before you find an article that's interesting?
How many times will you have to click the Random Article link at Wikipedia before you find an article that's interesting?
The Story of Four Horse...
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife’s name.
He replied, “She called Four Horse”.
The man said, “That’s an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?”
The Old Indian answered, “It old Indian Name.
It mean….
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!”
from Bits & Pieces
He replied, “She called Four Horse”.
The man said, “That’s an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?”
The Old Indian answered, “It old Indian Name.
It mean….
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!”
from Bits & Pieces
Andrew Lopez has died...
A friend of mine has moved on. Andrew Lopez was a nice kid and fantastic artist. He was very close to my brother Matt and we will feel his loss deeply.
I will endeavor to gather some of his art and share it with you.
The man was 27 and too young.
I will endeavor to gather some of his art and share it with you.
The man was 27 and too young.
Project Mayhem - an open letter...
In Chuck Palahniuk's novel 'Fight Club' the men in Project Mayhem have no names. Only in death are their names returned.
It seems that graffiti has the same rules. You don't want to be identified with your work by the authorities or you may be held responsible for inflated monetary damages.
Andrew Lopez was an urban artist.
A "Graffitisti" with two names. Andrew Lopez and a "tag".
Andrew has died and I wish to name him but before I can I will need to be sure that his family will bear no hardship.
That may prove impossible as the law has long arms.
So, in the tradition of Project Mayhem:
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez...
It seems that graffiti has the same rules. You don't want to be identified with your work by the authorities or you may be held responsible for inflated monetary damages.
Andrew Lopez was an urban artist.
A "Graffitisti" with two names. Andrew Lopez and a "tag".
Andrew has died and I wish to name him but before I can I will need to be sure that his family will bear no hardship.
That may prove impossible as the law has long arms.
So, in the tradition of Project Mayhem:
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez,
His name was Andrew Lopez...
Kids...
As you know I recently went on vacation and spent some time in Portland OR and Bremerton WA visiting family and friends. So, there were are sitting in a nice little diner in Bremerton, the Big Apple Diner to be exact. It's a lovely little place with a great menu and wonderful desserts.
I recommend it.
So, there are eight of us. Myself, my wife and kids- Ali 4 and Ari 16 mos as well as Melissa and her three heathens aged from 2 to 6. While we were enjoying breakfast and conversation a well put together gentleman of color walks in and sits at a table with three other folks.
So.
He's well dressed in a tie and slacks and well groomed.
Like I said, well put together. His mother is probably proud of him.
So.
So.
So.
So, my kid, Ali, four years old and as loud as a fog horn. Stands up and points.
STANDS UP AND POINTS ! ! ! !
Then yells for all to hear.
Yells.
LOOK DAD ! ! ! ! IT'S THE PRESIDENT ! ! ! !
Now I'm, of course, mortified. But at the same time rather proud of my little hellion.
Not only does she know that we have a President but she recognizes him as a man of color.
I explained patiently that he was not actually the President but just a man with a simple resemblance but that I am glad that she is interested.
I recommend it.
So, there are eight of us. Myself, my wife and kids- Ali 4 and Ari 16 mos as well as Melissa and her three heathens aged from 2 to 6. While we were enjoying breakfast and conversation a well put together gentleman of color walks in and sits at a table with three other folks.
So.
He's well dressed in a tie and slacks and well groomed.
Like I said, well put together. His mother is probably proud of him.
So.
So.
So.
So, my kid, Ali, four years old and as loud as a fog horn. Stands up and points.
STANDS UP AND POINTS ! ! ! !
Then yells for all to hear.
Yells.
LOOK DAD ! ! ! ! IT'S THE PRESIDENT ! ! ! !
Now I'm, of course, mortified. But at the same time rather proud of my little hellion.
Not only does she know that we have a President but she recognizes him as a man of color.
I explained patiently that he was not actually the President but just a man with a simple resemblance but that I am glad that she is interested.
JUST 62.5. How jaded are we? JUST 62.5...
The Chevrolet Volt, GM's electric car that's expected to go on sale in late 2010, is projected to get an estimated 230 miles per gallon, the automaker announced Tuesday.
That exceptionally high government mileage rating could give the Volt a major boost. For the first time, car buyers will easily be able to compare electric cars with ordinary gas-powered cars.
"Having a car that gets triple-digit fuel economy can and will be a game changer for us," said GM CEO Fritz Henderson.
Determining fuel economy for an electric car is a tricky matter. While General Motors (GM, Fortune 500) has been working with the Environmental Protection Agency for years on the issue, the agency says it has not tested a Chevy Volt and therefore cannot confirm the fuel economy values claimed by GM.
50 mpg? or 5,000?
Basically, you will be able to drive the Volt for about 40 miles using the lithium-ion batteries. For those driving less than that, gas mileage is essentially unlimited. It is only after 40 miles that the Volt will start using gas.
"Most Volt drivers will operate on a daily basis without having to use a single drop of gas," said Henderson, saying that three out of four drivers travel 40 miles or less a day.
Fuel economy for hybrid vehicles like the Toyota Prius is displayed in the same way as it is for any other gasoline-powered vehicle. It gets 46 mpg, for example, versus 19 mpg for a V-6 Ford Mustang.
That standard works because all the energy used by the Prius ultimately comes from burning gasoline. The Prius just uses that energy more efficiently than other cars do.
The Chevrolet Volt, on other hand, runs on electricity that comes from two sources -- a battery as well as a gasoline engine.
When gasoline is providing the power, the Volt might get as much as 50 mpg. But that mpg figure would not take into account that the car has already gone 40 miles with no gas at all.
So let's say the car is driven 50 miles in a day. For the first 40 miles, no gas is used and during the last 10 miles, 0.2 gallons are used. That's the equivalent of 250 miles per gallon. But, if the driver continues on to 80 miles, total fuel economy would drop to about 100 mpg. And if the driver goes 300 miles, the fuel economy would be just 62.5 mpg.
The Volt will need to be plugged in at night to recharge. The company said it estimates it will need 8 kilowatt hours for the recharge necessary to travel 40 miles. That should cost a total of about 40 cents at off-peak electricity rates in Detroit, Henderson said. National figures from the Department of Energy suggest most consumers would pay more than that, probably around 88 cents per recharge.
Even at those modest recharging costs, and limited use of gasoline, it will be difficult for the Volt to save money for their owners, according to auto sales service Edmunds.com.
"Even if the Volt's fuel savings could possibly be as dramatic as today's numbers suggest, the expected purchase price will be much higher than that of existing hybrids, and it will take years to pay off its price premium," notes Edmunds.com senior analyst Jessica Caldwell.
Making -- and selling -- the Volt
The fuel efficiency rating is based on the EPA's proposed methodology which GM used in its Volt tests and applies to city driving only. Henderson said GM is confident that when Volt's combined city/highway mileage average is calculated, it will be over 100 mpg.
But GM is obviously focused on the 230 mpg estimate as part of its early marketing campaign for the vehicle. It unveiled a logo with the number 230, with the zero looking like a cross between a smiley face and electrical plug.
Edmunds officials said they have doubts about the assumptions used to achieve the lofty fuel economy estimate.
"For most people, it is not realistic to expect that kind of mileage in real world driving," said Michelle Krebs, a senior analyst.
But Krebs said the Volt is likely to get achieve significantly better fuel economy than current offerings, such as the Toyota Prius that gets an estimated 50 mpg.
GM started pre-production of the car in June is making about 10 a month. "Volt is becoming very real, very fast," Henderson said.
Henderson conceded the cost of building a Volt will be expensive, about $40,000 per vehicle. But he said the vehicle will qualify for a $7,500 tax credit, which will reduce the vehicle cost by that amount for consumers.
He also stressed that GM has not set the pricing for the Volt, and conceded the company may have to subsidize the vehicle. The goal: Make enough sales to move the Volt from "first generation" to lower-cost future designs.
"The cost of the vehicle in the first generation is high," he said.
GM has not given sales targets for the first year, other than to say it will sell only thousands in the first year, and tens of thousands after that.
That exceptionally high government mileage rating could give the Volt a major boost. For the first time, car buyers will easily be able to compare electric cars with ordinary gas-powered cars.
"Having a car that gets triple-digit fuel economy can and will be a game changer for us," said GM CEO Fritz Henderson.
Determining fuel economy for an electric car is a tricky matter. While General Motors (GM, Fortune 500) has been working with the Environmental Protection Agency for years on the issue, the agency says it has not tested a Chevy Volt and therefore cannot confirm the fuel economy values claimed by GM.
50 mpg? or 5,000?
Basically, you will be able to drive the Volt for about 40 miles using the lithium-ion batteries. For those driving less than that, gas mileage is essentially unlimited. It is only after 40 miles that the Volt will start using gas.
"Most Volt drivers will operate on a daily basis without having to use a single drop of gas," said Henderson, saying that three out of four drivers travel 40 miles or less a day.
Fuel economy for hybrid vehicles like the Toyota Prius is displayed in the same way as it is for any other gasoline-powered vehicle. It gets 46 mpg, for example, versus 19 mpg for a V-6 Ford Mustang.
That standard works because all the energy used by the Prius ultimately comes from burning gasoline. The Prius just uses that energy more efficiently than other cars do.
The Chevrolet Volt, on other hand, runs on electricity that comes from two sources -- a battery as well as a gasoline engine.
When gasoline is providing the power, the Volt might get as much as 50 mpg. But that mpg figure would not take into account that the car has already gone 40 miles with no gas at all.
So let's say the car is driven 50 miles in a day. For the first 40 miles, no gas is used and during the last 10 miles, 0.2 gallons are used. That's the equivalent of 250 miles per gallon. But, if the driver continues on to 80 miles, total fuel economy would drop to about 100 mpg. And if the driver goes 300 miles, the fuel economy would be just 62.5 mpg.
The Volt will need to be plugged in at night to recharge. The company said it estimates it will need 8 kilowatt hours for the recharge necessary to travel 40 miles. That should cost a total of about 40 cents at off-peak electricity rates in Detroit, Henderson said. National figures from the Department of Energy suggest most consumers would pay more than that, probably around 88 cents per recharge.
Even at those modest recharging costs, and limited use of gasoline, it will be difficult for the Volt to save money for their owners, according to auto sales service Edmunds.com.
"Even if the Volt's fuel savings could possibly be as dramatic as today's numbers suggest, the expected purchase price will be much higher than that of existing hybrids, and it will take years to pay off its price premium," notes Edmunds.com senior analyst Jessica Caldwell.
Making -- and selling -- the Volt
The fuel efficiency rating is based on the EPA's proposed methodology which GM used in its Volt tests and applies to city driving only. Henderson said GM is confident that when Volt's combined city/highway mileage average is calculated, it will be over 100 mpg.
But GM is obviously focused on the 230 mpg estimate as part of its early marketing campaign for the vehicle. It unveiled a logo with the number 230, with the zero looking like a cross between a smiley face and electrical plug.
Edmunds officials said they have doubts about the assumptions used to achieve the lofty fuel economy estimate.
"For most people, it is not realistic to expect that kind of mileage in real world driving," said Michelle Krebs, a senior analyst.
But Krebs said the Volt is likely to get achieve significantly better fuel economy than current offerings, such as the Toyota Prius that gets an estimated 50 mpg.
GM started pre-production of the car in June is making about 10 a month. "Volt is becoming very real, very fast," Henderson said.
Henderson conceded the cost of building a Volt will be expensive, about $40,000 per vehicle. But he said the vehicle will qualify for a $7,500 tax credit, which will reduce the vehicle cost by that amount for consumers.
He also stressed that GM has not set the pricing for the Volt, and conceded the company may have to subsidize the vehicle. The goal: Make enough sales to move the Volt from "first generation" to lower-cost future designs.
"The cost of the vehicle in the first generation is high," he said.
GM has not given sales targets for the first year, other than to say it will sell only thousands in the first year, and tens of thousands after that.
Gotta get me one of these...
The uber minimimalist car ! ! !
The video is dubbed in "surrender-monkey" but the sounds and images speak for themselves. A V-12 you steer - and that's ALL ! ! ! !
Some of that is my money...
Banking news: Banks Rake In $39 Billion On Overdraft Fees.
Banks had to find some way to offset the tens of billions they lost on their idiotic mortgage bets, and the taxpayer bailouts weren't quite cutting it. So they raised their overdraft fees.
US banks stand to collect a record $38.5bn in fees for customer overdrafts this year, with the bulk of the revenue coming from the most financially stretched consumers amid the deepest recession since the 1930s, according to research. The fees are nearly double those reported in 2000...
The most cash-strapped customers are the hardest hit by such fees, with 90 per cent of overdraft revenues coming from 10 per cent of the 130m checking accounts in the US
That works out to $126.61 per year for every man, woman, and child in the country.
Banks had to find some way to offset the tens of billions they lost on their idiotic mortgage bets, and the taxpayer bailouts weren't quite cutting it. So they raised their overdraft fees.
US banks stand to collect a record $38.5bn in fees for customer overdrafts this year, with the bulk of the revenue coming from the most financially stretched consumers amid the deepest recession since the 1930s, according to research. The fees are nearly double those reported in 2000...
The most cash-strapped customers are the hardest hit by such fees, with 90 per cent of overdraft revenues coming from 10 per cent of the 130m checking accounts in the US
That works out to $126.61 per year for every man, woman, and child in the country.
Wow
(Photo: Dick Ireland / USGS)
California may be in the forefront in some environmental issues like alternative energy and recycling, but it is actually quite backwards when it comes to groundwater. Despite the long and severe drought, the state is bending to political pressure to allow farmers to withdraw groundwater to water their crops.
Felicity Barringer of The New York Times has the story:
Since 2006 the surface of the aquifer, in the Kaweah subbasin of the San Joaquin basin, has dropped 50 feet as farmers pumped deeper, Mr. Watte says. Some of his pumps no longer reach far enough to bringany water to the surface.
If he lived in almost any other state in the arid Southwest, Mr. Watte could be required to report his withdrawals of groundwater or even reduce them. But to California’s farmers and developers, that is anathema. “I don’t want the government to come in and dictate to us, ‘This is all the water you can use on your own land,’ ” said Mr. Watte, 57. “We would resist that to our dying day.”
Older Californians are quick to recall more severe droughts. Heavy groundwater pumping in the 1940s, ’50s and ’60s caused large overdrafts, meaning the groundwater pumped out exceeded the natural recharge of water percolating down from the surface. Some water tables dropped 400 feet; in some areas the ground itself sank as much as 50 feet.
The interesting photo above comes via the United States Geological Survey. It depicts USGS scientist Joe Poland showing subsidence (or sinking) of the land in the San Joaquin Valley from 1925 to 1977. The sign shows where the land level was at that year.
I'm Baaaaaack!!!
Vacation was fantastic. The blog has 1,985 posts so far. Let's see if we can break 2000 today ! ! ! !
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