Just thinking...

… maybe we should make marriage between handgun owners unconstitutional. Marriage is a stressful institution, one not for sissies. The presence of a handgun makes homicide more possible. As a tax payer, I should not have to shoulder the burden of spousal murder.

I am not saying that people should not own guns. People should have the right to own handguns just like anyone else. They just shouldn’t marry each other.

And being married should be available to everyone, just as long as they don’t own a handgun. I won’t bring the bible into this or its lack of reference to handguns and marriage.

It’s different if you are a shotgun owner like me. Shotguns are heavier and the ammunition is more expensive. It makes people stop and think before they shoot their spouse. But handguns are too easily carried and cheaply loaded. You can shoot someone two or three times with a handgun before you get to the cost of a single round of double-aught buck. Statistics don’t lie.

I would be all for letting people make their own decision about marrying with handguns, but I feel it is my duty to do for them when they can’t do for themselves. It’s because I care so deeply about people with handguns. Many of my friends have handguns and while I love them dearly, and they love each other, I just don’t think it’s right for them to marry. They can still go to Wal-Mart together, go on picnics at the firing range, and do all that handgunny, smoochie stuff they like to do that turns my stomach and freaks me out but hey, it’s a free country!

You can say that their marriage won’t affect mine, but you would be wrong. Say Jeff leaves the toilet seat up one too many times and Meredith has just had enough. Next thing you know they are going at it Matrix-style in the front room. A stray bullet comes through the picture window and caps my wholesome, gunless bride. I’d say that affects my marriage, wouldn’t you?

And the children. Face it. We are a lost generation, so we have to put our last remaining virtue into talking about raising our children right. Could you imagine Jasmine coming home from school saying she wanted to marry a boy who owns a Glock 19? Now I’m as open-minded as the next guy and I know you are too. But when it comes to the “real world,” do we want these ideas coming in contact with our own kids? I mean I raised mine right and they can make their own choices mostly, but do we want our schools recruiting our kids? I saw on the net that one kid went to BudsGunShop.com only once and now he’s running around in a tuxedo and shoulder holster. His parents must be sooo proud.

So think about it. I am.

Thanks Drewby ! ! !

1 comment:

DOG said...

Your dog is wondering, "Who is this Palin? Why does it care about marriage? What does it all really have to to with you throwing the ball?!?!?!?! Please come back to the park!"